Preference for Address with Title. First or Surname?

[Amulet]

Good day,

 

Regarding being addressed as Reverend (or other titles), I am curious to know your preference to use the title with your first name or surname.

If you belong to a denominational church, what is the protocol with yours?

 

My question isn't necessarily about formal address rules and etiquette. Just personal preference.

 

Hypothetically...

If I am addressed as Reverend, then I prefer Rev. Surname.

If I am addressed as Sister, I don't have a preference with that at all.

 

You?

 

 

[Rev. Calli]

Greetings to you my sister,

 

When I first entered the ministry, my first real crisis came when I had to decide what I really wanted to be called.  Truthfully, I just wanted people to call me by my first name, as I didn't want to be putting on airs, and implying by the use of a title that I was somehow better or higher up the faith ladder then they were.

 

The thing I discovered tho, was that in both the church I was serving part-time, in the hospital where I was doing my CPE training, many but not all the people I served felt uncomfortable by calling me the exalted title of Fred.  After talking privately to a few of them, as well as some of my colleagues, I came to learn that many people need to use a title in addressing someone who they feel is a spiritual authority, as that helps them to feel like they are talking so someone who perhaps is closer to the Creator than they are.  , To me, it sounds silly, as I've known multiple laity who I consider much more spiritual and in tune with God than I am.  But because  I want to honor the needs of the people I serve, typically I will use the title of either Pastor or Chaplain (depending on if I am working in a church or hospital setting) and my first name.  But when the people I am working with come to know me, I always tell them that I am alright with being called Fred. This btw is a pretty standard practice in the UMC (where I hold my ordination from).  I do know a few old school type pastors who insist people call them Reverend so and so or even Reverend Doctor so and so.  These same people also seem IMHO, to be pompous you know whats.

 

Very occasionally, I will use the title of Reverend, but normally only when signing official documents like marriage licenses or letters to Judges on behalf of someone who needs a good word put in for them.  

 

When I outside of my official duties, I never use a title.  Also, I do not carry around an ID card that Identifies me as a member of the clergy.  It truth, I can't think of a single example of a mainline Christian church that issues ID cards to their clergy members.  All we ever get is a copy of our ordination certificate.  In 20 years, I have only had to show that twice.  Once to do a wedding at a Prison in Indiana, and once when I was appointed as a temporary fill in chaplain at a Prison in Wisconsin.

 

In solidarity,

Rev. Calli

 

[Brother Kaman]

As noted in another topic, I have signed in at a few hotels in the past as Rev. Kaman. I have found it offers a certain amount of unearned respect and deferrence. 

[Amulet]

2 hours ago, Rev. Calli said:

Greetings to you my sister,

 

When I first entered the ministry, my first real crisis came when I had to decide what I really wanted to be called.  

 

[...]But because  I want to honor the needs of the people I serve, typically I will use the title of either Pastor or Chaplain (depending on if I am working in a church or hospital setting) and my first name.  But when the people I am working with come to know me, I always tell them that I am alright with being called Fred.

 

 

15 years later it is still my crisis.  But you and I are on the same page with a lot from what you have shared. Formally in a mixed faith or more universal or community setting I use Chaplain. I have a long bar pin and badge that I wear and it says only that. Interestingly, people so far have not felt the need to address me by name at all. They just refer to me as Chaplain (I'm usually the only one lol) but they are more than welcome to address me by first name or last, whichever they are most comfortable with.

 

1 hour ago, Brother Kaman said:

As noted in another topic, I have signed in at a few hotels in the past as Rev. Kaman. I have found it offers a certain amount of unearned respect and deferrence. 

 

I did this once and I was asked if I was available to do the opening prayer for someone's dinner. I did not have proper attire to do that unfortunately or I certainly would have! I do not travel much, but if there is a thing where I would want to sign in at a hotel using the title in the future I would be sure that I had the proper clothing or items with me to perform the duties next time!  It's not a bad idea actually, in case I might be available to someone for last rites or another opening prayer for dinner or something again.

[mark 45]

if i use a title(such as reverend,although i also get called father at times),it is in official business.otherwise i prefer to be called mark.however,some have refereed to me as"dude"(which is also fine).

 

just as a note of warning,be careful about offering last rights to someone.first of all,it is now refereed to as the"apostolic blessing",and most of your roman catholics take this quite seriously.any religious rite can get you into a lot of trouble if you don't know how it goes.

Edited July 2, 2017 by mark 45

[Amulet]

4 hours ago, mark 45 said:

if i use a title(such as reverend,although i also get called father at times),it is in official business.otherwise i prefer to be called mark.however,some have refereed to me as"dude"(which is also fine).

 

just as a note of warning,be careful about offering last rights to someone.first of all,it is now refereed to as the"apostolic blessing",and most of your roman catholics take this quite seriously.any religious rite can get you into a lot of trouble if you don't know how it goes.

Absolutely noted, and thank you for bringing that up. In my case I should have phrased it differently. I would not be the person they hope to have perform the task in a case like you mentioned! 

[mark 45]

if i get the chance(or rev calli does),he(rev calli)posted some "rites"for protestants,catholics,and jews(i don't think islam was included,but i could be wrong) that anyone could use and not run into violation of someones beliefs.

[Seeker]

I, too, prefer to just go by my given name.

 

When people insist on calling me Mr X, I then will usually say it should be Rev. X, but I prefer you just to use my name. Organization types seem to freak out a bit at that for some reason.

 

 

[Joyful]

I prefer Reverend Joy, just me and don't usually get addressed as Reverend by my couples anyway. LOL its all good

[Rev. Calli]

13 hours ago, mark 45 said:

if i get the chance(or rev calli does),he(rev calli)posted some "rites"for protestants,catholics,and jews(i don't think islam was included,but i could be wrong) that anyone could use and not run into violation of someones beliefs.

Greetings to you my brother,

 

Most Protestant churches, because of our understanding of the nature of Grace, do not have a ritual that corresponds with the Apostolic blessing the Catholic church uses.  We do have rituals for the sick, and for those near death, but nothing we would say that implies the absolution of sins that someone from a Catholic tradition would use.

 

The Book of Common Prayer fo the Anglican Church, the Book of Worship from the United Methodist Church, and the Star Book for Ministers (Baptist, non-denominational) have sections for Prayers of the sick.  At the moment of death, many rituals contain this prayer (or one substantially similar).

 

"Depart Christian soul, out of this world, in the name of God the Father who created you, in the name of Jesus Christ who redeemed you, in the name of the Holy Spirit who sanctified you. May you rest this day in peace, and dwell forever in the paradise of God."

 

At the times I have been called to the bedside of someone who was dying, and whose faith I did not know, I would use this variation:

 

"Depart beautiful soul, out of this world.  In the name of God our parent who created you, who loved you, and who stands ready to receive you.  May you rest this day in peace and dwell forever in the paradise of God."

 

In solidarity,

Rev. Calli

 

 

[RevSam]

Sam is good enough for me.   I'll sign as "Rev. Sam" or "Rev. Samuel," but that or "Hey you," all works for me.  I put my pants on the same way everyone else does, so I go with what people are most comfortable with. 

[Johnny Dunlap]

Some call me Pastor Dunlap.

[RevTom]

On 7/1/2017 at 1:43 PM, Amulet said:

Good day,

 

Regarding being addressed as Reverend (or other titles), I am curious to know your preference to use the title with your first name or surname.

If you belong to a denominational church, what is the protocol with yours?

 

My question isn't necessarily about formal address rules and etiquette. Just personal preference.

 

Hypothetically...

If I am addressed as Reverend, then I prefer Rev. Surname.

If I am addressed as Sister, I don't have a preference with that at all.

 

You?

 

 

Greetings; I really don't have a particular preference. I have a blog (although I am not very active in it) with my current title, Rev. Tom. That is why when i changed it, I changed to make it easier for people to follow my blog as well as the forums here.

[RevTom]

On 7/2/2017 at 10:21 PM, Rev. Calli said:

Greetings to you my brother,

 

Most Protestant churches, because of our understanding of the nature of Grace, do not have a ritual that corresponds with the Apostolic blessing the Catholic church uses.  We do have rituals for the sick, and for those near death, but nothing we would say that implies the absolution of sins that someone from a Catholic tradition would use.

 

The Book of Common Prayer fo the Anglican Church, the Book of Worship from the United Methodist Church, and the Star Book for Ministers (Baptist, non-denominational) have sections for Prayers of the sick.  At the moment of death, many rituals contain this prayer (or one substantially similar).

 

"Depart Christian soul, out of this world, in the name of God the Father who created you, in the name of Jesus Christ who redeemed you, in the name of the Holy Spirit who sanctified you. May you rest this day in peace, and dwell forever in the paradise of God."

 

At the times I have been called to the bedside of someone who was dying, and whose faith I did not know, I would use this variation:

 

"Depart beautiful soul, out of this world.  In the name of God our parent who created you, who loved you, and who stands ready to receive you.  May you rest this day in peace and dwell forever in the paradise of God."

 

In solidarity,

Rev. Calli

 

 

What beautiful prayers for the departed!!! I never had to preside over a funeral during my active ministry, although I wrote a - I don't like to call it a sermon - a service for a fellow minister who was at a loss to write one. 

[Rev. Calli]

On 8/20/2017 at 10:00 PM, RevTom said:

What beautiful prayers for the departed!!! I never had to preside over a funeral during my active ministry, although I wrote a - I don't like to call it a sermon - a service for a fellow minister who was at a loss to write one. 

Greetings to you my brother,

 

Thank you.  Those prayers are actually the ones I would use at the moment of death.  I did hospital chaplaincy work for many years when I was in the full-time ministry, and I have used those prayers more times than I care to remember.  

 

If I remember correctly, you come from a UMC background.  Our Book of Worship has some very fine resources to use in death and dying situations, as well as for funerals.  I always kept a copy of the Pastors Pocket Book of Worship in my emergency bag, so I would have it readily available during what could be very hard situations.  I never wanted to trust my own memory, since often the people I was with at the moment of their death had become good friends of mine, and I found it easier to have the words right in front of me during the times I was fighting my own grief.  

 

In solidarity,

Rev. Calli

[RevTom]

6 hours ago, Rev. Calli said:

Greetings to you my brother,

 

Thank you.  Those prayers are actually the ones I would use at the moment of death.  I did hospital chaplaincy work for many years when I was in the full-time ministry, and I have used those prayers more times than I care to remember.  

 

If I remember correctly, you come from a UMC background.  Our Book of Worship has some very fine resources to use in death and dying situations, as well as for funerals.  I always kept a copy of the Pastors Pocket Book of Worship in my emergency bag, so I would have it readily available during what could be very hard situations.  I never wanted to trust my own memory, since often the people I was with at the moment of their death had become good friends of mine, and I found it easier to have the words right in front of me during the times I was fighting my own grief.  

 

In solidarity,

Rev. Calli

Greetings and good tidings; I understand that sometime in my ministry I will most likely be called upon to preside at funerals. I do not relish this, to be candid. I have seen much death among close family and friends (sister died when we were children - she died when she was 15 years old, one year younger than i). My youngest brother died 2 years later when he was 3 years old. there is only one member living of my close family other than me, and that is my son, who is 29 years old. I witnessed a family being burned to death in a car accident. These events left me scarred, and I do not like attending funerals. I have written the funeral passages for other ministers who were not up to the task, but I think presiding over one would be a much different matter. I do like he passages and will keep them in my files. Thank you for sharing them. In many ways, the past relationship with UMC was very rewarding and soul quenching. It is at a church where the spirit is alive that my soul finds peace. I especially like to go to a spirit filled church after hours of worship to think and reflect.

[Rev. Calli]

20 hours ago, RevTom said:

Greetings and good tidings; I understand that sometime in my ministry I will most likely be called upon to preside at funerals. I do not relish this, to be candid. I have seen much death among close family and friends (sister died when we were children - she died when she was 15 years old, one year younger than i). My youngest brother died 2 years later when he was 3 years old. there is only one member living of my close family other than me, and that is my son, who is 29 years old. I witnessed a family being burned to death in a car accident. These events left me scarred, and I do not like attending funerals. I have written the funeral passages for other ministers who were not up to the task, but I think presiding over one would be a much different matter. I do like he passages and will keep them in my files. Thank you for sharing them. In many ways, the past relationship with UMC was very rewarding and soul quenching. It is at a church where the spirit is alive that my soul finds peace. I especially like to go to a spirit filled church after hours of worship to think and reflect.

Greetings to  you my brother,

 

Death situations can be very hard to deal with.  I always found it hard when it was for people I had come to know and love.  But these are also the times when you can do the most good.  

 

The hardest situation I ever dealt with was when I was called to a Maternity ward, to be with a young lady who was going to give birth to twin girls who would die only a few minutes after birth.  I forget the exact name of their condition, but there was nothing that could be done for them.  The mother desperately wanted the children to be baptised in the few fleeting moments they would have of life.  As soon as the first one was born, she was passed to me, and I baptised her while she died in my arms.  When the second one was born, the mother took the first one from me while I baptised the second one, and held her close as she took her last breath.  The mother told me afterwards that she never felt as close to God as she did in those moments. 

 

In solidarity,

Rev. Calli

[RevTom]

29 minutes ago, Rev. Calli said:

Greetings to  you my brother,

 

Death situations can be very hard to deal with.  I always found it hard when it was for people I had come to know and love.  But these are also the times when you can do the most good.  

 

The hardest situation I ever dealt with was when I was called to a Maternity ward, to be with a young lady who was going to give birth to twin girls who would die only a few minutes after birth.  I forget the exact name of their condition, but there was nothing that could be done for them.  The mother desperately wanted the children to be baptised in the few fleeting moments they would have of life.  As soon as the first one was born, she was passed to me, and I baptised her while she died in my arms.  When the second one was born, the mother took the first one from me while I baptised the second one, and held her close as she took her last breath.  The mother told me afterwards that she never felt as close to God as she did in those moments. 

 

In solidarity,

Rev. Calli

That had to be an intense experience, my brother. I have never dealt with death in an official capacity. Having experienced death of close ones, I believe I can offer warmth and compassionate care to those grieving if called upon to do so. I think it would also help give me closure with the deaths of my siblings  to help others going through that experience.

[Rev. Calli]

22 hours ago, RevTom said:

That had to be an intense experience, my brother. I have never dealt with death in an official capacity. Having experienced death of close ones, I believe I can offer warmth and compassionate care to those grieving if called upon to do so. I think it would also help give me closure with the deaths of my siblings  to help others going through that experience.

Greetings to you my brother,

 

That is a calling then you may wish to explore.  

 

In solidarity,

Rev. Calli

[RevTom]

21 minutes ago, Rev. Calli said:

Greetings to you my brother,

 

That is a calling then you may wish to explore.  

 

In solidarity,

Rev. Calli

Greetings and Good Tidings;  I do not think I would like to concentrate on funerals, but maybe include them as a comfort to those who have lost loved ones, because I can relate to the experience so closely.