On your profile you say you have a wonderful girlfriend? You describe yourself as a "Hopeful Agnostic". Now, that may be old info, but even if it is, you appear to have only been here since 06? So, that information is only, at most, 3-4 years old. You are 37? If your life has changed that much in the past 3-4 years (ten percent of your life) and you can expect to live - barring the idea that this depression is brought on by a terminal illness - another 40 to 60 years, you can expect your life to change a lot between now and then. You mention medicine and technique, so I am guessing you are dealing with depression, and on meds, but they don't work. I have a friend who has faced this for years. She moved from minnesota, to Az, which helped her, a lot. You are already in AZ, so, obviously, this isn't about AZ. But, a change of environment may be good. It creates a sense of opportunity. Also, a task that requires focus. My friend studied art. She is not cured. She still has bad periods. Sometimes very bad. But, she also has more good periods. I have never known any one to work harder at life. She is amazing. Try to be amazing.