To Love Or Not To Love?

[Zequatanil]

The eternal question--Is it better to have loved and lost or never have loved at all?

This simply mot just a question about romantic love, but circumscribes a number of issues where love is concerned in any way or form--Is having more pain better or worse ? Does it make us better people?

Would you choose the same path? Do you regret that relationship, marriage? Had the child that died early? Said things to loved ones that shouldn`t have/should have? Joined a monastery/left one? Chose a different life? Had that cat/dog/goldfish that died and broke your heart? --and any other that comes to your mind

blessings and peace,

S

[grateful]

in almost every case, romantic love and love love, I would never trade the pain of losing them with having never loved them at all - I learned so much, and am grateful that they traveled a bit with me, this is the price we pay for hanging with parents, lovers, beloved pets and fellow travelers when they leave us

I think what doesn't kill us makes us stronger

(there was one incidence however of picking the wrong guy and giving him the wrong finger, that's one I might have skipped had I been paying attention.. )

Edited June 23, 2012 by grateful

[Youch]

in almost every case, romantic love and love love, I would never trade the pain of losing them with having never loved them at all - I learned so much, and am grateful that they traveled a bit with me, this is the price we pay for hanging with parents, lovers, beloved pets and fellow travelers when they leave us

I think what doesn't kill us makes us stronger

(there was one incidence however of picking the wrong guy and giving him the wrong finger, that's one I might have skipped had I been paying attention.. )

Exactamundo!!!

[Crzyme]

for a human to have never had love at all would leave them mentally scared and likely unable to be among other humans without causing harm, at best they would be rendered a sociopath and at worst a rage filled homicidal maniac unable to control the anger at other humans.

we all loose someone we love because all humans die and as humans we love other humans, parents, siblings, grandparents, aunts, uncles, etc all must face lose it is unavoidable to those mentally capable of loving.

We also loose people who move away, become tired of us or fall out of love with us, who change their ways and lives and no longer include us. The world and those in it do not truly revolve around what we want and life is far from fair, life just is and things happen, it is how we face, act and react to those type things which mold us.

Would I personally change anything about my past (if that were a possibility) I would have said (and have done so many times) no I would not change a thing, because my life today is just what I want it to be, I have joy and peace I once believed to be only in fiction, but then I lost my younger sister to brain cancer, and her death is something I would change if that possibility was available to me, it would take nothing from my life to have her live, I would still have the life a currently enjoy, but this is not a possible thing in real life,

Life is what it is, not one of us can go backward, we love who we love, they love us back or not, we loose love, loose lovers, find new ones or not, and it just keeps going, changing us along the way

so don't bother with the what if's just deal with the what is as in Anna Nalick's lyrics to Breathe (2am) "Cause you can't jump the track,we're like cars on a cable And life's like an hourglass, glued to the table No one can find the rewind button girl,"

[Stormson]

I have been heart broken so many times, and in so many ways that I cannot even begin to relate it all.... i told you I didnt have very good luck with relationships.. Just the tip of the iceberg for example, my current GF has cancer, AND she is going away to prison for quite some time in the very near future. My last GF is now a hooker for drugs in WV. The one before her? Her ashes hold a prominent spot in what was once our home...

Still.. I would not change a single moment with any of them... Well, ok maybe i would change the "bad' moments... Still though, whether I am with them or not, whether they are alive or not, I cherish each of them and would not trade the love that I have for them for anything in the world..

[Zequatanil]

I have been heart broken so many times, and in so many ways that I cannot even begin to relate it all.... i told you I didnt have very good luck with relationships.. Just the tip of the iceberg for example, my current GF has cancer, AND she is going away to prison for quite some time in the very near future. My last GF is now a hooker for drugs in WV. The one before her? Her ashes hold a prominent spot in what was once our home...

Still.. I would not change a single moment with any of them... Well, ok maybe i would change the "bad' moments... Still though, whether I am with them or not, whether they are alive or not, I cherish each of them and would not trade the love that I have for them for anything in the world..

I am really sorry about all the tragedies in your life--sometimes things happen and we have no idea why, especially as it is said; to good people`. But--nothing is permanent but change, is what I hold to be true--I hope and pray that from hence forth your life will be filled with light and you start a new chapter. --and hope it is the end of all the sadness

This is for you with love;

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KcCXK6bjOEE

blessings,

S

[Stormson]

Aww... Thank you my sweetest of Lady Dragons!

But really i was just answering the question ya know? Is love worth it.. worth all the suffering, all the heart break and pain? ABSOLUTELY... It is worth EVERYTHING..

[Crzyme]

I have been heart broken so many times, and in so many ways that I cannot even begin to relate it all.... i told you I didnt have very good luck with relationships.. Just the tip of the iceberg for example, my current GF has cancer, AND she is going away to prison for quite some time in the very near future. My last GF is now a hooker for drugs in WV. The one before her? Her ashes hold a prominent spot in what was once our home...

Still.. I would not change a single moment with any of them... Well, ok maybe i would change the "bad' moments... Still though, whether I am with them or not, whether they are alive or not, I cherish each of them and would not trade the love that I have for them for anything in the world..

Maybe it is not bad luck in love, maybe it is bad choices in women

In general if one is repeatedly finding mates who turn out "bad" it is due to who that person is finding attractive, what draws them in, the aspect that is a common denominator in the women in question.

My two sons each married crazy blondes who wrecked their lives (at least temporarily) each of them really loved those crazy women, and tried really hard to make those marriages work but they could not override the crazy part. One had three children with his wife, got full custody (without visitation from the mother),of the kids then found a very normal sweet and wonderful wife, and ultimately the second wife adopted the kids and the kids bloomed in her care. The other had no kids but had a much harder time getting rid of the wife who stalked him and even stabbed him (in the arm because he blocked her) before she found someone else to torture.

I say this because when someone asked me "Why did both your sons marry crazy blonde women?" my answer is "Well that is who raised them" because that is the truth, I was bat crap crazy, mentally ill when my sons were young.

I had no mental health help, had been sexually, physically, mentally, and spiritually abused from age 3 until 13, went nuts with drugs to self medicate as a teen where I was also harmed because of places i ended up, got pregnant stopped drugs tried the married thing, got divorced then married again, he died leaving us dead broke, went to work with some amazing people which was a catalyst for me because they were responsible for my getting some mental health help, life changed, I changed, happiness abounded.

But my sons had been raised by crazy blonde so this was mentally who they went looking for when they went looking for love.

They also got some mental health help, I saw to that and now they have wonderful wives, who are not crazy and have together given me 6 well adjusted grandchildren

We all make choices in who we find attractive, in aspects of human behavior we seek, we do not always know why we choose what we choose or seek what we seek, but patterns will surface if one looks. I know I found abusive men for a while because that was what was normal in my very sick childhood. Now I also have a kind loving well adjust man as my husband, who is a perfect grandfather for all these grandkids and life is good.

It could be some mental evaluation is needed to find why you seek potential mates who leave you feeling unlucky in love.

[Zequatanil]

Thomas Merton is one of my `spiritual mentors`--and I thought I would share this:

"Love is the revelation of our deepest personal meaning, value, and identity. But this revelation remains impossible as long as we are the prisoner of our own egoism. I cannot find myself in myself, but only in another.

My true meaning and worth are shown to me not in my estimate of myself, but in the eyes of the one who loves me; and that one must love me as I am, with my faults and limitations, revealing to me the truth that these faults and limitations cannot destroy my worth in their eyes; and that I am therefore valuable as a person, in spite of my shortcomings, in spite of the imperfections of my exterior ‘package.’

The package is totally unimportant. What matters is this infinitely precious message which I can discover only in my love for another person. And this message, this secret, is not fully revealed to me unless at the same time I am able to see and understand the mysterious and unique worth of the one I love." - from "Love and Living"

love and light,

S

[BrDevon]

Thomas Merton is one of my `spiritual mentors`--and I thought I would share this:

<snip>

My true meaning and worth are shown to me not in my estimate of myself, but in the eyes of the one who loves me; and that one must love me as I am, with my faults and limitations, revealing to me the truth that these faults and limitations cannot destroy my worth in their eyes; and that I am therefore valuable as a person, in spite of my shortcomings, in spite of the imperfections of my exterior 'package.'

<snip>

Deep words.

It makes me mindful of my residents at the assisted living facility where I work. I work in the Alzheimer's/Dementia care unit plating meals and serving breakfasts, setting and clearing the room. Dementia causes many of my residents (I have around just shy of half a hundred) to act in ways that would be at best described at "unpleasant." I try to see these people in the light of being someone's child, possibly someone's wife or husband, or the center of someone's world. Many have given unselfishly of their lives when they were able - teachers, military, law enforcement, fire fighters, and others who go where others do not or can not. People are not things - they do not lose value with age and wear. I have several residents to whom I shamelessly say "I love you." And I do.

There is a great line from a song with a great message: "You're on my heart like a tattoo." In the song, the speaker is coming away from a failed relationship, but reflects that she has been changed by the experience. So it is with working with my residents. It is not always a day of sunshine and lollipops. We have our frustrations and pains, but I am changed by them - and I believe it's for the better.

[Brother Kaman]

Life is what it is, not one of us can go backward, we love who we love, they love us back or not, we loose love, loose lovers, find new ones or not, and it just keeps going, changing us along the way

so don't bother with the what if's just deal with the what is as in Anna Nalick's lyrics to Breathe (2am) "Cause you can't jump the track,we're like cars on a cable And life's like an hourglass, glued to the table No one can find the rewind button girl,"

There is a world of wisdom in that one sentence.

[Zequatanil]

People are not things - they do not lose value with age and wear. I have several residents to whom I shamelessly say "I love you." And I do.

Thank you Br.Devon for your love and compassion--in all of their name--they know even if you may think they don`t~ You are a beautiful soul!

blessings and light,

Suzanne

[Atwater Vitki]

Someone mentioned in a post about seeing a psychic/medium at one point in their life.... While I was in Thailand I met a couple, of which the gal's grandmother was a respected shaman of her village. The three hour jeep ride to that place was horrifying over slippery, muddy roads along steep cliffs. Having a 5 day pass, I stayed there for 3 days meeting many of the locals and finally on the 2nd night got to meet with this revered old woman. She was ancient in both look and the light that emitted from her very being.

The old shaman looked at me with the gaze of a leopard about to eat its prey and took both hands turning my palms up and put my hands on my knees. She would go from palms to face to chest and back, over and over with her finger pointing out the things she saw "drawn on my spirit" (not tattoos, I only had five at the time) and as she spoke she would rub red, blue, yellow or black mud-like 'paint' on each spot she touched according to which part of my Spirit shown there. Through the granddaughter interpreting I was told I was to be the "healer of hearts and changer of ways" for many people, but especially for the "many women in my life".

Stormy, I hear ya loud and clear....ohhh-wie...did I have a run of some real doozies for bits of time in my life...of course, in between wives. I just knew I was going to be instrumental in healing these gals lives from drugs, abusive relationships, terrible parents, passed or estranged children and all sorts of calamities in their broken lives. During the processes of "changing them" - as I truly, 100% believed that was my calling from that old shaman in Thailand and what I had always felt in my heart- I learned the invaluable lessons of "Love".

I think the ones that broke my heart were the worse emotionally, but the best as far as personal growth. It wasn't until much later in life that I figured out I wasn't in those gal's lives to help them, they were placed along the road of my Life to teach me. As when I found true love, I set it free, and for awhile she was gone, but in the end returned with more than I could ever have hoped for. The past 12 years of my Life have shown me the many faces and truths of what real love is all about.

There is no doubt in my thinking whatsoever that to have "Loved, and lost" is far, far better than "to have never loved at all"! And absolutimundo... whatever doesn't kill us makes us stronger! -(thanks for the reminder grateful)- When one has loved to the point of wanting to die when it fails us, there can be no greater message of hope or learning curve for any Hu-man being. It shows we are capable of acknowledging things outside of self, and that is something I feel to be one of the greatest lessons of Life.

Blessings of Peace,

[Qryos]

~ Now I feel like a child.

I met my now husband when 16 { he 17 } & we've been together since. Never lost that kind of love.

Lost my Grandmothers, lonely for them.

Lost my Father, & honestly? Never really knew him tho' he was there. Miss his scent, & perhaps even his growling.

My Mother said, "Dogs live a short time so we can know & love more of them."

Miss them. Do love more now.

~ I do believe that each love, each attachment & connection enhances us in one way or another...

We expand to adjust to another & each stretch allows us to extend ourselves in directions we may not have explored before.