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VonNoble

Wrecking Marriages

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~ I take it that confession in this case involves

Wrecking Marriages, often hurtful to the innocent
?

Well, I guess it's why & to whom one is confessing.

If it's only to unburden ones self knowing it's going to harm another or others, that's pretty selfish.

I know! People are going to say that honesty is always best & lies or ommissions are evil.

I don't believe that's always true.

Some relationships can take 'the horrid truth', some can't.

My husband had a drunken indiscretion many years ago. He told me. I could deal with it. Some can't.

If it was an on-going love affair, that, I don't think I could have. That's a much deeper betrayal.

{A drunken "Oops! I tripped & fell in her" is different. Still stupid & worthy of his grovelling, but forgiveable. & not repeated! That's an important aspect too.}

I just don't believe that harming others to allow ones self to feel better is an OK thing to do. Under any circumstances. It's selfish.

Sure, confess to a Priest or Minister. Atone & be a better person, more loving & consciencious. Don't harm another.

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Is confession good for the soul?

von

While we can debate the definition of 'soul,' but I think it is highly beneficial to confess. To confess is to acknowledge and admit. To confess is to begin to heal. It is among the first steps in making positive change. Otherwise, it is ignorance and denial.

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Is confession good for the soul?

von

I guess it depends on who is confessing to whom. It certainly wouldn't help for the "other lover" to confess on the behalf of the spouse to the one that has been cheated on. I've been on the receiving end of one of those confessions. Not fun for anyone.

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Depends on why the confession, my friend.

Telling the truth is good. Living your life, "I tell the truth is good". If nothing else, it's just easier.

Very early on I learned that I was just too damned distracted to lie, it wasn't worth my time to

keep up with myself that way

I've taken a mantra - "I am impeccable with my word", hard but worthy work.

So , that's not to say that someone didn't once decide to tell me the truth, but not the whole truth

and not enough of the truth for me to respect him or count him among my friends ten years later

I'm not sure if you're asking because you need to, or someone else does...either way,

tell what you must and tomorrow is a new day

Just be careful when you tell the truth..

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~

Well, I guess it's why & to whom one is confessing.

If it's only to unburden ones self knowing it's going to harm another or others, that's pretty selfish.

I just don't believe that harming others to allow ones self to feel better is an OK thing to do. Under any circumstances. It's selfish.

Perhaps that is so.....it is better not to harm another, but isn't that too an offense by omission.

Isn't having consequences for your action part of the big picture? Isn't living a lie every day "to protect them" creating a relationship that is a lie?

Isnt' that cheating a second time - by not allowing the injured, in this case, to truly know the character of the person to whom they are married? Or denying them their day to grow and forgive (or harbor and revenge?)

Isn't that deciding FOR the victim that they cannot handle it?

Isn't that a control of the worst order in some ways - assuming they are child-like or so terribly fragile?

Isn't that kind of insulting?

Would that be the proverbial insult to injury?

I dunno - just wondering.

Von

While we can debate the definition of 'soul,' but I think it is highly beneficial to confess. To confess is to acknowledge and admit. To confess is to begin to heal. It is among the first steps in making positive change. Otherwise, it is ignorance and denial.

Equally beneficial?

Von

I've taken a mantra - "I am impeccable with my word", hard but worthy work.

...either way, tell what you must and tomorrow is a new day

Just be careful when you tell the truth..

Is protecting others from the truth perhaps a form of enabling illusions?

Which would perhaps not be healthy for them in the long run?

Von

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I am reminded of a bit I saw on the news a while back, where a female game show contestant had the option to answer marital questions to win a big bag of money. She was asked something along the lines of, "have you ever cheated on your husband" and she answered "yes" on national television. The news bit was about how it immediately ended the marriage, but she got the money. Something like that. Contrived? Perhaps. But it speaks to the impacts of confession being beneficial. I suppose it is the individual motivation behind the confession.

To contradict my previous post a bit, obviously most of us have been given discerning filters that prevent us from shot-gunning every thought and truth to those around us. I have employees that lack this filter.

Each of us must decide for ourselves, based on our own motivations, what we confess and what we do not.

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there's more than one kind of confession; i will stick to the kind where you tell a neutral party, such as in the catholic confession sacrament. i think that if you go confess to a neutral party, you are seeking help. not only might you need guidance with respect to correcting your error, but also you are carrying guilt that you should not be burdened with. that guilt, if not dealt with, can eat you up and stop you from taking action in the future. so i think that this kind of confession is really, really good for you and for those around you.

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I would say it depends on whether you have a conscious or not. People who have no conscious when it comes to morality I suspect would have no need to confess to feel better...

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~ Lots of good posts here! Don't know if the question was asked for personal reasons or as an hypothetical or whatever.

Personally, I think if one feels the need to confess a transgression against another knowing it will cause pain & harm not only to that one but to others...

The question is still 'Why?'

Because they deserve to know? Or to make yourself feel better?

If it's only to make yourself feel better, that's a selfishness.

If it's for the hope of punishment to cleanse one's own conscience, {& perhaps give a reason for it} that's selfish.

If it's to honestly deal with problems that caused the transgression & to strengthen understanding, that could be a healing deed. & take a long time healing.

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~ Lots of good posts here! Don't know if the question was asked for personal reasons or as an hypothetical or whatever.

Personally, I think if one feels the need to confess a transgression against another knowing it will cause pain & harm not only to that one but to others...

The question is still 'Why?'

Because they deserve to know? Or to make yourself feel better?

If it's only to make yourself feel better, that's a selfishness.

If it's for the hope of punishment to cleanse one's own conscience, {& perhaps give a reason for it} that's selfish.

If it's to honestly deal with problems that caused the transgression & to strengthen understanding, that could be a healing deed. & take a long time healing.

A truth must be considered very carefully, your truth can cause hurt to another, I know I've been there. I never considered the ramifications of my truth, even when you feel you are doing right you might be better to keep your mouth shut. You can hurt with truth!

Even when the truth is real to you. I've found a new truth, never hurt even if you lie by omission.

~pegasuss~

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~ Lots of good posts here! Don't know if the question was asked for personal reasons or as an hypothetical or whatever.

Personally, I think if one feels the need to confess a transgression against another knowing it will cause pain & harm not only to that one but to others...

The question is still 'Why?'

Because they deserve to know? Or to make yourself feel better?

If it's only to make yourself feel better, that's a selfishness.

If it's for the hope of punishment to cleanse one's own conscience, {& perhaps give a reason for it} that's selfish.

If it's to honestly deal with problems that caused the transgression & to strengthen understanding, that could be a healing deed. & take a long time healing.

Insightful, Q. yes, we must question our motive for confession.

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