VonNoble
-
Posts
1,392 -
Joined
-
Last visited
Content Type
Profiles
Forums
Calendar
Posts posted by VonNoble
-
-
25 minutes ago, mererdog said:
Of course. However, trauma can fundamentally change us. Not always, or even necessarily often. But it can
And when it does, the universe is robbed of the chance to know the person we could have been.
Innocence doesn't grow back. And that is true both for victim and victimizer.
Agreed.
Whew...got that one
von
-
13 minutes ago, mererdog said:
It is. Everything you do that effects others is a part of your legacy. You may give pain to one and joy to another. You may create one day and destroy the next. Each act leaves a mark, and those marks spell out your legacy. We are not simple creatures, and that is reflected in the complexity of our legacies.
This point is actually what I meant to illustrate when I brought up my wife's mother. The good we do does not make the bad we do go away. Pencils have erasers but life does not, you know? We can repent, reform, and even attempt recompense, but we can't turn back the clock.
I agree. Up to a point.
Every action has a consequence. Not every imprint becomes a memory.
John McCaines legacy is not the fact he was a prisoner of war. It is a fact that changed him and the trajectory of his life.... but it is the fiber of his character that we remember
Or maybe I am still not getting it... you have helped me before. I have faith you’ll somehow turn the light on for me
von
-
2 hours ago, mererdog said:
If I take that beauty and crap on it, destroying your legacy becomes part of my legacy.
Hmmm. Whatever the trauma. It does not define us necessarily. It impacts us....it definitely pains us and we are changed often because of it. We do not forget. Again I admire your wife for being able to see any humanity with her mother in such a horrible circumstance. It is to her credit.
One of my sisters was violently raped and left for dead. She spent weeks in the hospital. Years repairing her dental work. And more than a decade keeping this as a secret. She lived in another state and did not see the family till most of her face was normal enough again. I was the only one in the family who knew.
It took time....rehab....implants....lots of counseling sessions ....surgery ..and a hell of a lot more courage than I have for her to regain her “center”....
That rapist certainly made life itself far more difficult for my sister...it ended her promising career in one field..and she is scarred with the far reaching consequences of his action. In her view -the considerable physical and emotional trauma which she still battles daily do not define any part of her beyond the word survivor.
His violent and ugly self will not taint her legacy in any way. Her survival is no longer a secret. One day she stood up publicly and told only enough to be credible - that she knew first hand what a survivor goes thru. She has raised an enormous sum of money... founded two major orgaizations to help others and no one is going to crap on her legacy.....
The rapist might have found his way and become a decent human being - we don’t know any more than we know your wife’s mother’s story. I do know other than the time it took to rape & attempt to kill my sister....however many minutes that was.....that is the ONLY lasting connection. His legacy good or bad is of his own making. What he did to my sister may or may not be part of his legacy. I have no way to know.
My sister’s legacy is of her own making as well. Neither of them defines the history of the other.
She sure as hell would never thank him. She would prosecute him to the full extent if the law if she could have ever had that chance. But his impact forcing so much to change in her future is not who she is now. Her success is all about her.
She took control of her life... looked at the choices left to her and walked away and onto a new road. Scary, painful, unplanned, but enormously rewarding. He took much from her. She thrives because of who she is.... changed forever because of the rape.... but the legacy of her footprint is not tainted by him.... he was a trauma to overcome. A big one. But he only is a measure of her strength to win in spite of obstacles. ( she would likely add like everyone else). Like your wife - I find both survivors to be amazing people
von
-
1 hour ago, mererdog said:
Be very careful with this sort of reasoning. You don't want to accidentally be the guy implying that victims should thank their rapists for the opportunity to learn to overcome their victimhood. You would probably get kicked... More than once... You know where...
1 hour ago, mererdog said:You are correct. I do not want to accidentally be that guy so I thank you for providing me with an angle that did not occur to me.
conversely all of life lessons are not on sanitized situations. Frequently they are painful and traumatic. Drunks lose families homes and jobs. Survivors of any horrid circumstance sometimes pull out courage Long lain dormant. We don’t thank the hurricanes or the enemy shooting at us... maiming us or raping us....but there is no denying the crucible forges us.
Most often we would prefer to make it to adulthood and choose our own poison. But we have to play the cards dealt. Horrible and unfair tho that is... no person has a life free of trauma.
I feel horrible for your wife and every other child abused. At the samd time by virtue of that fact... I certainly credit them with whatever IN THEM allowed them to rise in spite of it.
The circumstances ( human or natural) are the catalyst. Saying that does not note hurricanes or stupidity or cruelty as a good thing.... but an inevitable part of the human experience.... which is not logical or fair.
What we become because of it... or do because of it.....can be a legacy ( Mother’s against drunk drivers...Amber alert).....
von
-
1 hour ago, mererdog said:
That reminds me. You haven't thanked me for not shooting you. Kind of rude of you. I mean, here I am, selflessly not murdering you, and not so much as a card in the mail. Granted, I can't afford a gun and I keep forgetting to make an appointment to see you, but the thought doesn't count.
You have a point...but abortions have always been a form of birth control. The mother might have (we din’t know)...she might have thought in her fuzzball mind that somehow she would be a better person (she failed) but that doesn’t mean she fully saw she was making life horrible for the child. Obviously she did not operate with reason. So assuming it was only selfish motives makes mom pretty one dimensional... there were likely opportunities if not urging to kill the baby. It is likely at some moments the child represented hope.... maybe ? Maybe the daughter gave a way forward to the mother? von
-
On 11/10/2017 at 4:57 AM, mererdog said:
My mother did not take care of us while she was pregnant, and I had a difficult birth. That brings up an interesting thought about legacies. The only thing my wife knows about her mother is that she was a prostitute who used heroin and cocaine during her pregnancy. It is completely possible the woman turned her life around and built herself a nice positive legacy. But, to my wife, she will always be a crack-whore.
And yet - there are two additional pieces to the puzzle (btw, I admire that your wife survived all that - that is a ton of stuff for a kid to overcome)
a. The crackhead , prostitute mother - did in fact give life (carried the wife to term) (which beats the alternative)
b. the negative (atypical) conditions surely made your wife stronger by virtue of that which did not kill her (she is resilient that wife of yours)
Not all challenges are 100% negative. It is that much more to your wife's credit that she did not become her mother sort of - maybe.
So the legacy was awful in some ways - but your wife surely became some of what she is because of that legacy - rising against the wind inspire of the odds is a sort of legacy, no?
von
-
7 minutes ago, mererdog said:
But we need to be confident in our ability to shape the future, in order to be motivated actors. It makes life interesting. We all more or less have an idea of what our legacy will be made up of, and we are all more or less wrong about it. Fun stuff.
I agree. Fun stuff indeed. I’ll work the morning long to get your exit image out of my mind. Thanks for the chuckle. Presumably your family opted not to have a photographer at the birthing?
von
-
34 minutes ago, Stormbringer said:
We can't know what will live on after us and for how long. We have our deeds now. How we conduct ourselves in the present is much more important than a future we will not participate in. If we do what is right the legacy will take care of itself.
Then you agree our actions now carry forward after us? What we do now then therefore matters in the future?
von
-
6 hours ago, Songster said:
From my perspective... Everything about that which is YOU has always existed (in one form or another) and always will. All acts, good or bad, are recorded in the Akashic Record and any act of love lives forever as a part of the harmonious vibrations that construct the etheric plane......
Interesting. I’m gonna mull that over a bit. Thank you. von
-
One of the wonderful perks to being on a university campus is getting to attend free lectures.
NASA sends folks out colleges to recruit and to promote their programs.
When I was in college ages ago - I attended a NASA presentation hosted by "Scotty" from StarTrek. He was well schooled to discuss actual science bu the big draw was the blooper reel from the show never before seen other than on this tour.
The current NASA presentation was entertaining but the speakers are actual scientists with a sense of humor. They brought mind blowing photos and artist renderings and actual footage of what is coming and it is astounding. The James Webb Space telescope - which will be launched in 2019 will not orbit earth - but rather shoot out to a distance well beyond our moon. Watching the engineering required to fold (origami style) a telescope bigger than the space craft carrying it..... is a marvel in and of itself.
Has anyone checked out the footage online? NASA has lots of info and you will be impressed to see what they have been up to. The new James Webb Telescope will see back in time to infancy of space as we understand it. BTW, you do not have to have a Phd to understand it. Nor is one required to request time for experiments. Time is allotted by peer review. NASA is searching for the best ideas (from anyone) - you have till spring to get your proposals in there.
Is anyone else following this story? We have come a LONG way, baby. There is no way to see it and not be impressed in my view.
von
-
17 hours ago, mererdog said:
The planet could be destroyed tomorrow, leaving no one to remember you and nothing that bears your mark. The universe is short on guaranteed futures.
In that case there is no longer a need for the word legacy
Or the word humankind.
Rather fitting to go out the way we came in; with a Big Bang?
von
-
When I was working with very intelligent, witty 86 year old....who knew death was fast approaching she demanded I tell her what to expect.
The doctor had assurred her he could manage the pain. She had asked the chaplain not to return to her room ever... she had strong opinions to be sure.
One if the case workers thought i might help her her as she was expressing great fear about the process of crossing over.
We were in borrowed time so I made my visits short but often. Over the next few hours ...and thankfully days (we got lucky)...she found her own way and her own understanding
it it sort of settled on the fact the process didn’t matter all that much.... we determined whatever happened it would be less pain than now.....she had done way more right than wrong and she had won some major victories to help people for a long time to come.
she counted up her score herself and decided she had done quite well with her life. Fear went away
the last thing she she said was she would see me again....I was at peace with that as was she....
Life with training wheels sort of
its a REcycle thing
von
-
Realizing it is okay not to be perfect.
Not to be perfect yet.
Not worrying about being perfect this time around.
Takes off some pressure.
While i am far, far, far from perfect - i might be better than I was an hour ago.
I might not be in another hour - but at least I see the trail to find my way back to an inch better again.
That's all I gotta do. Keep inching when I am able to a teeny bit better.
Eventually that one inch will be a habit. Then I can repeat. As long as I need to....much less stressful
than other systems in that regard.
von
-
2 hours ago, Jonathan H. B. Lobl said:
At the risk of coming off as a pig -- I've had the experience of attending church services, looking up at the pastor in the pulpit, and being stunned by her beauty. No, I didn't say anything.
Points to you for honesty....and decorum.
von
-
1
-
-
1 hour ago, cuchulain said:
what matters to me is if i did my best at what i wanted to, namely being a good person.
I agree. We may not control the take away . But we leave a legacy all the same. The more lives you touch with kindness the better the odds kindness stays vibrant into the future. Our names are not required for our impact to carry foreword
von
-
1 hour ago, Dan56 said:
Everything dies, everything's forgotten, I don't even know who my great parents were or where they're buried. Unless your a prominent historical figure (Lincoln, Christ), there's generally no record or remembrance of you after a hundred years or so...
Again if you remove the need to have “credit “ for your legacy..... your impact might still remain well beyond that
Christ did not dictate the First Church of Jesus or even the term Christian. The way if life he inspired is his legacy. Buddha did not establish the Buddhist religion. But the philosophy he shared endures. Some may not know either of those names but they are impressed by people who embrace the legacy.
von
-
3 hours ago, Jonathan H. B. Lobl said:
Long term, we are all forgotten. Think of all the animals you ever knew. Dogs and cats and everything else. Who remembers them? Such is life.
Ism not sure a person’s name being forgotten negates a legacy exists
von
-
1 hour ago, Brother Kaman said:
The happiest people at a funeral are the living. You can break it down from there.
Not by definition. But fun and clever answer... thx. von
-
52 minutes ago, cuchulain said:
funeral.
I thought if that too. While it might not be an appropriate time to have thoughts about who is attractive....much of the before and after moments are quietly social.
An an attractive person remains attractive even when no one comments on it.
Happy is not necessarily laughing. It might be content (as in not negative) ( not griping) (not grumpy).....happy at a funeral does not necessarily mean happy the person is dead. It can mean one accepts the passing with grace and understanding.
von
-
16 minutes ago, Brother Kaman said:
Call it what you want but sometimes that foot print is firmly planted on someone's butt.
Agreed...sometimes it is that too.
von
-
54 minutes ago, VonNoble said:
I think it might be....the legacy of the framers of the Constitution affects all of us.....
von
Incidentally....there is the constitution...and there is much more beyond that...
von
-
6 minutes ago, Brother Kaman said:
It all lives on. It is not all remembered.
If it lives on....then it remains alive (a living legacy)
von
-
What we do matters. We each leave a footprint. Employees have come back to me years after leaving the company to share lessons learned. Those lessons given intentionally made a difference. The ones we never knew we gave also matter. You have no idea who’s life you impacted favorably. Yet they were changed. The improved them and all they become because of it is part of your legacy... maybe
Those before us known and unknown shape us.... and like it or not part of what follows us -in some way- we affected it
von
von
-
51 minutes ago, Brother Kaman said:
All acts, good, bad and indifferent, set off chain reactions that effect everyone around them. Kinda like the butterfly effect. What is remembered is moot.
Who originates it might be moot.
The fact it mattered might not be....
von
Guess who's coming to dinner...
in Interpath Dialogue, Universal Virtues and Values
Posted
Since my far-flung family will not be together.... we always try and have one thing we ALL do....a “theme” item for lack of a better word... we photograph “ our” family of the day (whoever is gathered at our various homes) and send it to the other siblings to have a together moment of sorts. THIS YEAR....we will each be including a Thank You Puerto Rico poster.... as the kindness of the citizens there saved our eldest brother ( who resides there as a permanent resident).....
Bt happenstance in enlisting any help possible for news.... all of us siblings...independent of one another.... visited with transplant Puerto Rican’s (all of whom did what they could to help us)......in my case a couple young people at a nearby military base and three university students stuck in the dorms over the holidays....you better believe we are inviting them to our homes.... i’m Thinking our annual photo this year might feature a flag or two from Puerto Rico
von