Perception isn't everything. Perception is predicated by perspective, and perspective is predicated by attitude. Change your attitude, and your perception changes. If it had no meaning for you, you wouldn't have asked her to prove it: You'd have asked her what she was talking about. It has meaning for you. You are simply denying that meaning. As you said, "My boys are the only things that are really holding me here". There are two ways to read that. One, is the way that you wanted it read: "Look how little I care about everything." The other way is "Look at these things I care about so much that they make life worth it." Things would be much easier for you if you honestly didn't care- if you honestly didn't think that life was worth it. I can see that. But that simply isn't the case, is it?