grateful

Based on studies going way back, (Zimbardo, Stanford) this "people's police force" that you suggest would most probably end up looking exactly like the current lot - and with the same percentage of individuals who would abuse their power and visit atrocity on the very people they were sworn to protect. I have met some really creepy officers, and some with the kindness and the patience of Job. And while one might wonder why anyone would choose to "enforce the law", many do so with the highest level of integrity. My father was one of them. There is no negating that there are terrible miscarriges of justice, but I believe it is always bad form to paint "all" with such a broad brush. Did I miss something? I'm not adverse to a certain level of anarchy, but what exactly, are you proposing?

so very sorry for your loss, pastor dave, sending you and your family love and light at this difficult time - and for your daughter and her little ones, ugh, a way through the pain of their loss

I don't think so, they were two busy grad students who were never home...he's a really angry man (trust me) regarding your first statement, it reminds me of a time when someone turned to me and said "what the hell was that noise"? definitely gunshots, I said calmly... thank you hyperreal for your suggestions; I don't think we'll bring a group to him though (he's really angry, and most probably, at least a little, crazy) and I only know the couple next door.... your advice to videotape and document when/if he continues is right on target, but I hope it doesn't come to that - I will however put up my little fench and plant pansies this weekend, while I won't be surprised if he continues to do what he does, I'd be really happy if he saw them as just pretty and not a challenge to his masculinity or his right to my garden

I have, hyperreal, one neighbor, on the other side, said he was "okay", another said (volunteered) that he was crazy, and that he ( the neighbor offering the opinion) had called the police many times due to parking issues and screaming/fighting coming from the house. "watch the guy on your right", he said. this was after the incident in question, which I did not bring up. It appears that he has a number of work vehicles that he parks on the street and has been known to block driveways and sidewalks. there are only a few houses on the street, most "meetings" with other neighbors have just been hello and a wave or a smile. meredog, I really don't see him as a villian despite his actions. I feel sorry for him more than anything else. and I feel sorry for me that in addition to cleaning up after my own dog, I now have to clean up after his. I am guessing that my (our) lack of attention to his comings and goings has taken some of the satisfaction he may have been getting. I understand that the particulars/nuances of this situation are only my words/interpretation but, I'm curious, how would you handle it? what would you say to someone who shows up in front of your house, glaring at you while smoking a cigarette and while his little dog "goes", then turns down his drive, leaving the poo on your lawn (it was then when I "stared open mouthed", and wondered aloud that "I just can't see how that was okay") say that you are a relatively cheerful and friendly person (who LOVES dogs), who is aware that others might not see the world as you do and do not demand that they do, who is interested in making the place that you live beautifu and is simply stunned that someone would do that I did not mention, but will now, that he told me, loudly and angrily, that he will do whatever he wants and how dare I question him, his dog had always gone to the bathroom there - um, even though it was on someone else's property

no, no, I hear what you are saying. I was standing in the doorway admiring a newly filled and installed window box ( I was happy) he came into my line of vision peripherally, my back was to him initially, and I actually smiled at him, it was then that I saw the little dog - he did not smile back he looked at me with what appeared to be open disdain (appeared to be being the operative word) the disdain was confirmed when he came back throughout the afternoon and the following days and stood on the (my) lawn and had his dog relieve herself (without cleaning up) after a confrontation with my husband, he continued to bring her and stare at the house... appears he may just be a bit of a nut case who won't clean up after his dog

I agree that my response could perhaps be viewed as "passive aggressive" by someone who was used to using my lawn as their dogs bathroom (and leaving their (mess) for me to clean up. But to the average dog owner, homeowner and/or tenant, it's just plain rude, confrontational and disgusting. just sayin' oh yes, he also did quite a bit of shouting because he was asked quite nicely, I may add, to take it elsewhere..

sniffling, and clapping my friend

a few days of "good morning" seems to have stunned him into replying in kind probably still bringing his little dog over (just a guess) but I have determined not to take notice right now

revbill, thank you for the opportunity to put thoughts together around this - it bubbles just below the surface for many of us I have lost a few in my life, and as others here, have learned from their journey's end. thanks to those who shared their experiences I am among those who believe that we should live every day that way, as if it were our last. due to work obligations and other pesky details, I might not be able to spend them near the sea, with my dog and loved ones here and gone beside me.. in reality, after years of living away from my only child (no grief or animosity led her away or kept us apart, only work and a strong sense of adventure) I now live only a short drive away; I chose to move across the continent to be closer to her and to enjoy a new place.. I did not want to spend my fifties pining away for her and chose action over inaction there are places I've always wanted to see, if that were physically possible, I would go (!) and finally, heavy on my heart is that a friend here is probably answering and living this question as we speak, I pray the goddess has her wrapped in a warm embrace, that her suffering lessens and that those she loves and those that love her are carried gently to a new place and a new understanding

I've been known to write in "human" when asked for my race for over thirty years

what a great (and timely) idea! we, of the houseful of empty storage containers, should really give this one a whirl 😃 neat is the operative word here

I remember meeting with a Cambodian family for the first time to start Intervention services for their youngest son. As the team assembled at about eight a.m., the Grandmother began bringing out trays laden with food (despite the fact that they were VERY poor) We assembled on the living room floor and enjoyed an amazing (if unfamiliar) feast that morning. What a high honor and welcome they gave us. Dining with my Persian in laws is quite a raucous and interesting event - perfectly acceptable (encouraged) to eat with one's (right) hand and to pass on seconds an insult to the cook (which I learned the hard way...) Being sensitive to cultural nuances and differences enhances our experience.... to our own rules around table manners, I can still hear my parents directives around rhe table and would feel strange slurping soup or sitting with my elbows on the table....

Remembering Mr Big Dog, sweet old Milo six years yesterday, a long time boy-o, and I miss you my friend I went to Dolores Park in Noe Valley the other day where I swear I saw you and Nori playing all those years ago, I took himself to run and play, and I'd swear I saw some semblence of you guys running with him

natural/non toxic deterents and a small wrought iron fence, innocuos and lovely well on "this side" - and pansies! (maybe he dislikes people but loves flowers (!)

oh my! I'm not quite sure where this guy lives, though I know it is one of three houses, either behind me or next door, seperated by the drive (and their fenced in gardens(!) I would never do that, that's just asking for trouble...,

carl carlson, I LOVE your advice, and would take it in a heartbeat , there are other mitigating factors however this man is being overly hostile and aggressive, given the circumstances, I don't think it would be safe to go to him right now...I have heard yelling from his house since, and he reeked of alcohol early on a saturday morning - he's mixing it up and mean in his house, no wonder he mixes it up and is mean on the street he's a little too agro/ unpredictable to offer the olive branch right now that said, if I could solve it from my end (an attractive fence) I would have no problem with a cheery and genuine "good morning"(!)

thank you very much for these solutions, I truly appreciate it. and I will use a sign to let people know it has been treated. in an ideal world, I would just install a fence, (or have to not deal with it at all-but after our move, funds are more limited than usual and I need to be frugal for a while. I am also working to ignore the hostility, ultimately, its his problem not mine.. in terms of the good cop/bad cop thing panpariel, I might have already stepped over that line, after asking him to refrain a few times, I found myself just staring at him and shaking my head, not in anger, in disgust....

just fyi - it already IS available, and has been for a very long time, this is not to say it works all the time before and aftercare programs, ditto while I most definitely support social programs, having worked in them for long time, there are success stories and train wrecks, there are nicompoops and genius', there is sadness and unaduterated joy if your point is that existing programs do not work, then I agree with you but don't deceive into thinking that it is not funded, my city taxes would show you how much goes into programming for children and families

I hear you and wish that were the case - I feel strongly that the open hostity was real, perhaps not to me personally but towards anyone who questioned him and his right to my lawn I'd love to be wrong; but after polite requests were ignored and nasty words exchanged, he came back later in the afternoon to do it AGAIN -exhibiting nothing short of blatant disregard, he was making a point, and loudly At this point, I just have to check local ordinances re: curbing your dog and leash laws though turning the hose on them might be fun! (no, it actually wouldn't, its not the poor little dogs fault) Noticed too that others in the neighborhood do clean up after their dogs, present company included... bottom line is he will have to wake up tomorrow and be him, a rude and nasty old man, maybe that is punishment enough

good questions, but I don't have many answers yet. it is a quiet court, no outlet, with about six to eight well maintained single story duplexes. the gentleman in question lives behind me, an easement of some sort; his drive ends about ten feet from my kitchen windows, and that is where "fluffy" has been doing her thing my first interchange was actually very respectful, I don't want to fight, I just don't want his dog going to the bathroom on my lawn (if he cleaned up after her I truly wouldn't care at all) I don't see how to continue a dialogue with someone who is clearly uninterested in sharing space, the dialouge escalated when my husband said "would tou mind cleaning up after your dog"? at which point, he started with bizarre agro behavior... I'll ignore him and his little dog too until I get a fence that will send a message he might get.. hex, am looking at township ordinances re: curbing and leashing dogs

social etiquette is a lost art, civility gone elsewhere it seems while I agree that certain trends and social mores attached to "manners" can be indicative of the man keeping folks down but can we talk about just being NICE to others? and respectful? you meet alot of wonderful people that way

hyperreal, I did speak with my neighbor on the other side, who said he was okay. .. but from the few days I've been here, I see that he parks a few shiny work vans in front of my windows, more often than not, one is double parked all day and then he brings his little dog over a few times a day to do her thing ....I just don't think that's very neighborly behavior I would be very willing to start fresh, to hear him out and tell him simply that his dog relieving herself on my lawn is offensive to me and can we come to an agreement somehow all the while asking myself on what planet is that okay?

that is hilarious dan but we just moved in on monday AND drove cross country, we're tired oh my, I'm having trouble understanding the logic - he was glaring at me, as if I was somehow causing offense a fence would be grand but realisticaly, it would take time so in the interim this man is not going to relinquish his right to use my garden as his dog's toilet; do I completely ignore him, continue to express my disdain or take up a collection to build that fence asap :$

I woke up in bizzaro world so we moved into our new place on monday (we love it) or at least we did until the other day new neighbor, older man, probably late sixties, is standing next to my lawn where he is watching his pomeranian take a dump. standing in the doorway, I was kind of staring open mouthed, I couldn't believe what I was seeing, he glared at me saying nothing, she finished her buisness and they wandered back down their drive (what?) the next day, same thing, so I said "excuse me sir, I'm having trouble understanding how that's okay" he glared at me and then said "its just pee, she's not doing anything else" "with all due respect, i said, shall I bring my dog over to your house"? he glared at me and walked away this morning same thing, and my mild mannered husband got a bit heated when he saw what was clearly, their twice daily ritual. words were exchanged, expletives, threats and finger pointing, it was ugly this afternoon, he's in position with his dog relieving herself by his side - clearly he claims some right to that corner of my garden? its not so much the dog, dogs will do what dogs will do (I LOVE dogs) its the unmitigated gaul of this man who chooses to meet his new neighbors by being unbelievably rude and hostie and letting his dog use my house as her toilet instead of her own. are you kidding me? at this point, I'm dreaming of simply installing a fence; I just might do that