New Neighbors

[grateful]

I woke up in bizzaro world

so we moved into our new place on monday (we love it) or at least we did until the other day

new neighbor, older man, probably late sixties, is standing next to my lawn where he is watching his pomeranian take a dump. standing in the doorway, I was kind of staring open mouthed, I couldn't believe what I was seeing, he glared at me saying nothing, she finished her buisness and they wandered back down their drive (what?)

the next day, same thing, so I said "excuse me sir, I'm having trouble understanding how that's okay" he glared at me and then said "its just pee, she's not doing anything else"

"with all due respect, i said, shall I bring my dog over to your house"? he glared at me and walked away

this morning same thing, and my mild mannered husband got a bit heated when he saw what was clearly, their twice daily ritual. words were exchanged, expletives, threats and finger pointing, it was ugly

this afternoon, he's in position with his dog relieving herself by his side - clearly he claims some right to that corner of my garden?

its not so much the dog, dogs will do what dogs will do (I LOVE dogs) its the unmitigated gaul of this man who chooses to meet his new neighbors by being unbelievably rude and hostie and letting his dog use my house as her toilet instead of her own.

are you kidding me? at this point, I'm dreaming of simply installing a fence; I just might do that

[simplicitys-brother]

The best neighbors are made so by a good fence. Tp paraphrase that great philosopher anonymous.

I highly recommend it. One the old guy can't see through may be best. Then you won't have to look at him either.

A win-win situation.

[Dan56]

[Hyper Real]

Words were exchanged, expletives, threats and finger pointing, it was ugly

That is sad.

Now first you need to undo that harm to get each other back at the table. Is there a close neighbor who has been there longer who might want to help the situation? Or perhaps a minister?

[grateful]

that is hilarious dan but we just moved in on monday AND drove cross country, we're tired

oh my, I'm having trouble understanding the logic - he was glaring at me, as if I was somehow causing offense

a fence would be grand but realisticaly, it would take time

so in the interim this man is not going to relinquish his right to use my garden as his dog's toilet; do I completely ignore him, continue to express my disdain

or take up a collection to build that fence asap :$

[grateful]

hyperreal, I did speak with my neighbor on the other side, who said he was okay. ..

but from the few days I've been here, I see that he parks a few shiny work vans in front of my windows, more often than not, one is double parked all day

and then he brings his little dog over a few times a day to do her thing

....I just don't think that's very neighborly behavior

I would be very willing to start fresh, to hear him out and tell him simply that his dog relieving herself on my lawn is offensive to me and can we come to an agreement somehow

all the while asking myself on what planet is that okay?

[Bro. Hex]

I would put a "Curb Your Dog" sign on the front lawn,

and if he ignores it, I would take a photograph of the "offense"

and then call the police... but that's just me.

[Hyper Real]

Try to keep a dialogue and keep it nice.

Any case has two sides (not saying you are wrong).

Face it, he is your neighbor, he will also realize that, try to work it out with him, it may be tough but try not to give up.

See it as a challenge!

Here are some questions that may be relevant in trying to find a way:

Are you living in a city, small town or rural?

Is there a community?

What are his social ties and what are yours?

Are there common interests?

Edited February 26, 2012 by hyperreal

[BpCorey]

set your sprinklers to go off at those times. lets see how doggie dear loves a high powered butt washer.

and try to aim one for his head too.

[Dan56]

Try to keep a dialogue and keep it nice.

Keeping it nice is over-rated with some people. Put the lawn sprinkler in the corner of the garden/lawn where Fido is relieving himself and hit the tap the next time Daddy walks him......... Make it look like an accident

Edited February 26, 2012 by Dan56

[Hyper Real]

Keeping it nice is over-rated with some people. I'd put a lawn sprinkler in the corner of the garden/lawn where Fido is relieving

himself and hit the tap the next time Daddy walks him......... Make it look like an accident

You think that will help the situation getting between between the two parties?

I presume you love your neighbors?

[grateful]

good questions, but I don't have many answers yet.

it is a quiet court, no outlet, with about six to eight well maintained single story duplexes. the gentleman in question lives behind me, an easement of some sort; his drive ends about ten feet from my kitchen windows, and that is where "fluffy" has been doing her thing

my first interchange was actually very respectful,

I don't want to fight, I just don't want his dog going to the bathroom on my lawn (if he

cleaned up after her I truly wouldn't care at all)

I don't see how to continue a dialogue with someone who is clearly uninterested in sharing space, the dialouge escalated when my husband said "would tou mind cleaning up after your dog"?

at which point, he started with bizarre agro behavior...

I'll ignore him and his little dog too until I get a fence that will send a message he might get..

hex, am looking at township ordinances re: curbing and leashing dogs

[Qryos]

~ Just a thought... He may not have been glaring per se, he may have bad eyesight or be hard-of-hearing or just have a generally grumpy face.

{ My husband's in pain all the time & he looks like an axe murderer quite often Sweet as pie, but grumpy-faced a lot! }

Could be the territorial lines haven't been very clear before & that's where the 2 have their habit ingrained.

Perhaps a few stretches of that short fencing they sell at garden centers, decorative, not really functional, but could dilineate Your lawn from doggy potty?

Just a suggestion...

[grateful]

I hear you and wish that were the case - I feel strongly that the open hostity was real, perhaps not to me personally but towards anyone who questioned him and his right to my lawn

I'd love to be wrong; but after polite requests were ignored and nasty words exchanged, he came back later in the afternoon to do it AGAIN -exhibiting nothing short of blatant disregard, he was making a point, and loudly

At this point, I just have to check local ordinances re: curbing your dog and leash laws

though turning the hose on them might be fun!

(no, it actually wouldn't, its not the poor little dogs fault)

Noticed too that others in the neighborhood do clean up after their dogs, present company included...

bottom line is he will have to wake up tomorrow and be him, a rude and nasty old man, maybe that is punishment enough

[Fawzo]

Can't you sprinkle something on the lawn in that area to make the pooch not want to go there like cayenne pepper or something

[panpareil]

The guy is, in at least his own mind, purposefully attacking you. You have already talked nicely to him. He has made a decision to act against you now, not just to do what he wants.

First I would double team him in a good cop bad cop kind of way. Be genuinely and overtly friendly, go out of your way to be nice to him. Let your husband be territorial and aggressive. This will allow you to keep him emotionally off balance and hopefully establish a better relationship after this conflict is resolved. If you have already been aggressive or confrontational this may no longer work.

The most successful solution would be a physical barrier. It won't happen if it can't happen. A fence or just standing there blocking his dog when he comes by. As they say good fences make good neighbors.

Otherwise there are some suggestions at this site.

http://landscaping.about.com/od/pestcontrol/a/dog_repellents.htm

I personally like the motion detection sprinkler.

You could also set up the area so the dog would get something on him that was dirty or smelly. Something the owner would find offensive, like skunk spray.

http://www.cabelas.com/scents-scent-eliminators-tinks-10-skunk-scent-2.shtml

Edited February 27, 2012 by panpareil

[RevRainbow]

That's how we got rid of squirrels, the cayenne and pepper combo. Be sure to place a sign on the lawn saying it has been treated. You can get one at the hardware store.

[grateful]

thank you very much for these solutions, I truly appreciate it.

and I will use a sign to let people know it has been treated. in an ideal world, I would just install a fence, (or have to not deal with it at all-but after our move, funds are more limited than usual and I need to be frugal for a while.

I am also working to ignore the hostility, ultimately, its his problem not mine..

in terms of the good cop/bad cop thing panpariel, I might have already stepped over that line, after asking him to refrain a few times, I found myself just staring at him and shaking my head, not in anger, in disgust....

[Dan56]

A few years ago, my neighbor used a pooper-scooper to pick-up a sack of dog crap and left it at my front door. A subtle hint to keep my dog out of her yard.... Only problem was, we didn't have a dog.

[Carl Harry Carlson]

It's so difficul to undue a bad first experience with a new neighbor.

It is always very helpful when the first encounter with a new neighbor is pleasant, especially when the current resident welcomes a new one. OK, that didn't happen, and your first encounter was negative.

So now you need to do relationship repair, if you wish to have a friendly relationship with your neighbor. And, you want to reach a suitable resolution of the dog tresspass issue.

Sorry, everyone, I don't agree with several of the postings that suggest what are essentially retaliatory tactics that will not only not solve the problem, they will create more simmering anger between you neighbors.

Remember that everybody tends to assume that they are not at fault, it's always the other guy who is. You can bet it's your neighbor who thinks you are the unreasonable people. You've disturbed his daily routine. He obviously feels he is justified to let his dog defecate on your garden without, I presume, scooping it up. Maybe he's never had to scoop poop before.

This is where some new testament biblical advice is in my opinion most effective and practical:

Respond with kindness. Send your neighbor a gift, like a bouquet of flowers with a note saying something like, "I hope we can be friends first, we'll talk about any problems after we get to know one another." Or some other very friendly, non-sarcastic words that canot be misinterpreted as hostile.

Then keep being friendly. Permanently. Both of you, not "good cop - bad cop." Even if they aren't. Even if they keep disrespecting your territory. Remember, every unfriendly thing you do will verify in their minds that you don't deserve courtesy.

Or, perhaps you could knock on their door ands ask them if they will do you a favor, like, will they accept a delivery from the UPS guy until you get home, or will they pick up your newspaper while you are away (tell them they can keep it). Once one of you has done a favor for the other, you have a chance to break down barriers.

And in the meantime, definitely check the local ordinances. You probably have the law on your side, if it comes to that. And even if you involve the law, you still need to be polite.

(When I'm being Santa, I keep telling siblings, "Just because your sister is being a jerk, doesn't give you permission to be a jerk back!" Or I say, "Never play the game called, 'I can be a bigger jerk than you!' ")

This is where a neighborhood network can come in handy. In my old neighborhood, we used to have an annual homeowner's meeting at someone's house. Meeting people in a polite, friendly setting makes it easier to resolve disputes later. Sometimes a neighbor has a barbeque or beers on the patio or a superbowl party or some social event and invites a few neighbors and that helps build relationships.

You are, after all, neighbors. You don't have to be friends, but neighbors do (in my view) owe one another some obligation to civility and mutual security. You'd forget your anger and call the fire department if you saw their house on fire, or call the police if you saw their house being robbed, wouldn't you? Of course.

Edited February 27, 2012 by Carl Harry Carlson