I want to move forward with my life. I want to let go of ever, ever sinning against my own flesh. I do not want to masturbate anymore. I do not want to look at illicit materials. I feel as if I have completely broken the bond between my body and spirit, and between myself and my husband, while I do so.
We both struggle with it, we both agree to forgive each other for it. We have a somewhat “don’t ask, don’t tell” policy in regards to it, but I think I need to tell him. I don’t mind if he does it. But I don’t know. I want to be with him forever. I don’t want to do this. I don’t want to hurt us. It’s been something I have always turned to as comfort in a previously troubled and lonely life. It’s like a horrible pacifier when I’m bored or depressed. Please help me.