The L0Lcat Bible

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Genesis 1

Boreded Ceiling Cat makinkgz Urf n stuffs

1 Oh hai. In teh beginnin Ceiling Cat maded teh skiez An da Urfs, but he did not eated dem.

2 Da Urfs no had shapez An haded dark face, An Ceiling Cat rode invisible bike over teh waterz.

3 At start, no has lyte. An Ceiling Cat sayz, i can haz lite? An lite wuz.4 An Ceiling Cat sawed teh lite, to seez stuffs, An splitted teh lite from dark but taht wuz ok cuz kittehs can see in teh dark An not tripz over nethin.5 An Ceiling Cat sayed light Day An dark no Day. It were FURST!!!1

6 An Ceiling Cat sayed, im in ur waterz makin a ceiling. But he no yet make a ur. An he maded a hole in teh Ceiling.7 An Ceiling Cat doed teh skiez with waterz down An waterz up. It happen.8 An Ceiling Cat sayed, i can has teh firmmint wich iz funny bibel naim 4 ceiling, so wuz teh twoth day.

9 An Ceiling Cat gotted all teh waterz in ur base, An Ceiling Cat hadz dry placez cuz kittehs DO NOT WANT get wet.10 An Ceiling Cat called no waterz urth and waters oshun. Iz good.

11 An Ceiling Cat sayed, DO WANT grass! so tehr wuz seedz An stufs, An fruitzors An vegbatels. An a Corm. It happen.12 An Ceiling Cat sawed that weedz ish good, so, letz there be weedz.13 An so teh threeth day jazzhands.

14 An Ceiling Cat sayed, i can has lightz in the skiez for splittin day An no day.15 It happen, lights everwear, like christmass, srsly.16 An Ceiling Cat doeth two grate lightz, teh most big for day, teh other for no day.17 An Ceiling Cat screw tehm on skiez, with big nails An stuff, to lite teh Urfs.18 An tehy rulez day An night. Ceiling Cat sawed. Iz good.19 An so teh furth day w00t.

20 An Ceiling Cat sayed, waterz bring me phishes, An burds, so kittehs can eat dem. But Ceiling Cat no eated dem.21 An Ceiling Cat maed big fishies An see monstrs, which wuz like big cows, except they no mood, An other stuffs dat mooves, An Ceiling Cat sawed iz good.22 An Ceiling Cat sed O hai, make bebehs kthx. An dont worry i wont watch u secksy, i not that kynd uf kitteh.23 An so teh...fith day. Ceiling Cat taek a wile 2 cawnt.

24 An Ceiling Cat sayed, i can has MOAR living stuff, mooes, An creepie tings, An otehr aminals. It happen so tehre.25 An Ceiling Cat doed moar living stuff, mooes, An creepies, An otehr animuls, An did not eated tehm.

26 An Ceiling Cat sayed, letz us do peeps like uz, becuz we ish teh qte, An let min p0wnz0r becuz tehy has can openers.

27 So Ceiling Cat createded teh peeps taht waz like him, can has can openers he maed tehm, min An womin wuz maeded, but he did not eated tehm.

28 An Ceiling Cat sed them O hai maek bebehs kthx, An p0wn teh waterz, no waterz An teh firmmint, An evry stufs.

29 An Ceiling Cat sayed, Beholdt, the Urfs, I has it, An I has not eated it.30 For evry createded stufs tehre are the fuudz, to the burdies, teh creepiez, An teh mooes, so tehre. It happen. Iz good.

31 An Ceiling Cat sayed, Beholdt, teh good enouf for releaze as version 0.8a. kthxbai.

Matthew 1

Da genie-ologee of Happy Cat

1 O Hai! Dis book of genie-ologee of Happy Cat, son of Daybid King Cat, son of Apra-Ham:2 Apra-Ham maded Eye-Sack, Eye-Sack maded Jay-Kub, Jay-Kub maded J00-Duh and hiz bros.3 J00-Duh maded Press and Zer0 wit Tuh-Mar. Press maded Hezrum, and Hezrum maded Ramb.4 Ramb maded Aming-Dap, Aming-Dap maded Noshin' and Noshin' ated delishus Salmon (jk, he maded him 2).5 Delishus Salmon maded Bow Azz, Bow Azz maded Obet by umpsing Rüf, Obet maded Jes-See6 an Jes-See maded Daybid King Cat. David King Cat maded Wizdum Cat Sorrowman by Hankiez Pankiez wit sum chick that used to has Hankiez Pankiez wit tomcat Mew-Ryah. Lol, tomcat Mew-Ryah got pwned.7 Wizdum Cat Sorrowman maded Rayabome, Rayabome maded V'ger and V'ger maded Aysa.8 Aysa maded Ahosacat, and he maded Jor-El and Jor-El maded Fuzziah.9 Fuzziah maded Jo-Dam, Jo-Dam maded Ihaz and Ihaz maded Haz-a-Kyder.10 Haz-a-Kyder maded Man-Asser, Man-Asser maded Aming and Aming maded Joes-Eyer.11 Joes-Eyer maded Jeckiner and hiz bros, was bout when they was catchered to Babaron.12 And after they was in Babaron, Jeckiner maded Shellatiel, and Shellatiel maded Zero-Bapler.13 Zero-Bapler maded Apiut, Apiut maded Lyon King and Lyon King maded Asser lol.14 Aser maded Zardoz, Zardoz maded Aking and Aking maded Elly-Ut.15 Elly-Ut maded A-Lazer, A-Lazer maded Matting and Matting maded anuvver uv Jay-Kub.16 And Jay-Kub maded Jozif. Dat wuz alot uv kitlins. Jozif was teh tomcat of Maerdy, and she maded Happy Cat, who gets called Christ (Nointed Cat), liek all teh time. Srsly.17 So all teh genenerayshuns from Apra-Ham to Daybid King Cat am 14 genenerayshuns, frm Daybid King Cat to gettin catchered in Babaron am 14 genenerayshuns, and frm gettin catchered up in Babaron to teh Nointed Cat am 14 genenerayshuns. Srsly.

How is Happy Cat Formed?

18 Now, teh burth of teh Nointed Cat was liek dis: After Maerdi and Jozif waz all "We get maerdied, kthnx", but befor dey haz hankiez pankiez Maerdy was a mudder cat thx 2 HovrCat.19 Joseph was liek "I haz virjn - NOOOO dey be stealin my virjn! Must hied hur".20 But when he was tihnkin, zomg, a BirdCat frm Ceiling Cat was liek, "Oh hai! Iz in ur dreemz, givin u messij. Don be scairdy cat. Taek Maerdy as ur wife - is virjn. But teh Forse is strong in tihs wun, lol! HovrCat is on hur, givn hur kitlin, srsly." So Jozif was liek " Oh yey. Iz gonna luv him and squeez him and call him George."21 But BirdCat was liek "No, you gonna call him Happy Cat. cuz he save kittehs frum bein bad kittehs. Kthxbai."22 So all dis was all did cuz Ceiling Cat had sed it wud be. Him proffit was all liek:23 "Hay guise, luk! teh virjn is all preggers, and dey gonna call him A-manual", dat be joospeek for "Ceiling Cat wiv us"24 Then Jozif walked up, dun wat teh BirdCat frm Ceiling Cat tolded him too, and was all liek "U wit me now lol" at Maerdy.25 And dey didnt has Hankiez Pankiez affer dey gets a son and call him Happy Cat. Kthnx.

Revelation 1

Iz comin. Srsly.

1 John haz sum revelashunz. Tehy frum teh Happycat, but wuz furst frum Ceiling Cat, an tehy to show what iz comin. Teh Ceiling Cat sended hiz angel to John to give revelashunz.2 John sez iz all totally troof, zactly what teh Ceiling Cat and Happycat sayed. He no lie. Srsly.

3 Everwun what reedz these wurdz will has cheezburgrz and everwun what heerz theez wurdz will has cheezburgrz. Also, pay attenshuns, cuz iz comin. Habeeb it.

4 John seyz, hay teh sehvuhn churchez over therr in Asia: Oh hai, from teh Ceiling Cat whoz alwayz around, an alwayz haz beens around, an alwayz will bes around, and hai from the sehvuhn kittehs sittin next to his mighteh sofuh.

5 Oh, also, hai frum Happycat, who iz liek totally l33t. Srsly. To Happycat who totally luvz us an died for us an stuff,6 Ur awsum, kthx.

7 Invisibuhl airplane for Happycat! Everwun will see him in teh airplane, even tho iz invisibuhls. Even thoze bad doodz who wuz so mean will seez him, and everwun will be totally bummed. Srsly.

8 Teh Ceiling Cat sez "iz teh lolfa n iz lolmega n i allwayz haz been n allwayz will be also i haz strongness! rawr"

Vizjuns 'o Happycat

9 Anywayz, I be John, ur bruder an ur friend in Happycat. So dis wun tiem, I wuz on Patmos talkin to sum doodz about Happycat an teh Ceiling Cat.10 Wun Caturday, I wuz chillin an I heerz dis hugenormous voice behaind meh, an it wuz rly lowd lyke a trumpet insturmentz.11 An teh voice sez, "Oh, hai. I be Lolpha, an also, I be Lolmega, an rite whut you seez, an send it to those sehvuhn churchez over therr in Asia. In case u forgotz, tehy be Ephesus, Smyrna, Pergamum, Thyatira, Sardis, Philadelphia (wich not be teh wun in Pehnsluvainya) and also Laodicea, wich iz all funneh namez, but I not made dem up."

12 I lookz for teh voice an, it wuz invisabuhls! Insted, I seez sehvuhn golduhn bukkits!13 Also, therr wuz a dood dressed real nice, even tho he wuz in a dress.14 Teh dood had a hed taht wuz wite, an also hairz taht wuz wite. Also, his eyez wuz chargin his lazors.15 An his feets wuz lyke a heeter, an his voice wuz liek a mighteh toilet flushinz.16 He made sehvuhn cookies in hiz rite hand, an a sword in hiz mouf. Also, hiz face wuz all glowinz, like teh sun. Srsly.

17 When I seez him, I fallz over liek ded. Teh dood touched me an sez, "Dont be all skeerd."18 Also, he sez, "I be Happycat an Im totally alive 4evr! Also, I am teh keymaster."

19 Then he sez: "Taek notez. Lotsa notez."20 "OBTW, theez sehvuhn cookies are teh angelz of teh sehvuhn churchez I sed before. Oh, also, theez bukkits are teh churches too. Kthxbai."

These pioneers have been working for years to translate the entire Bible, front to back cover, into LolCat. And they've almost finished!

Edited by Tsukino_Rei
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