Lonely Souls

[RevRainbow]

Lonely Souls

The few remaining patrons

are old and musty as the Deco

fixtures which compliment

the aged walls of past glory;

the plaster statue of Aphrodite-

life size in the center of the bar-

remains seductive

even with the twinkle lights

draping her bust.

But their eyes are too dim

to notice her patina

formed by the smoke of

countless cigars and cigarettes.

The television above the bar

plays without audible sound

for no one can hear well

even in the silence of the room.

The beer is cold, however,

the only importance of this evening,

and the small conversations held

are the same as every night

and no one seems to notice or care.

There is a musty flavor in the air

one can taste, whether from the bar

interior, or the patrons, is not discernable.

There is one younger couple,

oblivious to their surroundings,

in love, gently stroking each other’s arms,

a symbol of decades past when

the patrons, who refuse to acknowledge

youth’s passion and presence,

also once spooned with their lover here

drinking a now defunct brand of beer.

Hours wasted, they sit in quiet discomfort

waiting for the final call (it is late);

then, pay the tab and mumble good-night.

Time to retreat from lonely to alone.

[Theresa]

This is so sad in so many ways.

[Phillipe]

I've spent a lot of time in a lot of places like that.

[Qryos]

~ Oh, Hon! That's marvelous!

{In case you haven't noticed, I do have a compulsion... Not to change anything!!!

Just line-break suggestions. Ignore me really easy! OK?}

The few remaining patrons

are old and musty as the Deco fixtures

which compliment the aged walls of past glory;

the plaster statue of Aphrodite-

life size in the center of the bar-

remains seductive even with the twinkle lights

draping her bust.

But their eyes are too dim to notice her patina

formed by the smoke of countless cigars and cigarettes.

The television above the bar plays without audible sound

for no one can hear well

even in the silence of the room.

The beer is cold, however, the only importance of this evening,

and the small conversations held are the same as every night

and no one seems to notice or care.

There is a musty flavor in the air one can taste,

whether from the bar interior, or the patrons, is not discernable.

There is one younger couple,

oblivious to their surroundings, in love,

gently stroking each other’s arms,

a symbol of decades past when the patrons,

who refuse to acknowledge youth’s passion and presence,

also once spooned with their lover here

drinking a now defunct brand of beer.

Hours wasted, they sit in quiet discomfort waiting

for the final call (it is late);

then, pay the tab and mumble good-night.

Time to retreat from lonely to alone.

... Darling, I truly honestly do not intend any insult of your art! It's beautiful!!!

It is your vision, your voice... I only make suggestions. OK?

Ignore me easily, I'm just a someone.

That really loves your poetry!

[Wizard Adam]

My asthma is killing me just reading it! I did so enjoy the desperate loneliness in the read, good read!

Edited October 27, 2007 by Wizard Adam

[RevRainbow]

Wiz: One day someone will read this and ask, "You mean you could smoke in a bar back then?"

Q: Thank you, dear. Hey, I've done it to your poems too...I guess it's just something in us...as we read, we see different flow of the same thought.

[idealdabbler]

I can only say your talent is astounding. Your words and metaphors, etc., are always fresh and revealing.

One minor point, in the following lines:

"There is a musty flavor in the air

one can taste, whether from the bar

interior, or the patrons, is not discernable.

There is one younger couple,"

You use the phrase,"There is..." twice in close succession. Your only uses of that phrase, by the way. It's a weak construction that adds nothing to the picture, and could be done without.

[RevRainbow]

I can only say your talent is astounding. Your words and metaphors, etc., are always fresh and revealing.

One minor point, in the following lines:

"There is a musty flavor in the air

one can taste, whether from the bar

interior, or the patrons, is not discernable.

There is one younger couple,"

You use the phrase,"There is..." twice in close succession. Your only uses of that phrase, by the way. It's a weak construction that adds nothing to the picture, and could be done without.

Thanks, ID for the observation. I did that intentionally as a facetious emphasis on old vs new.

[Wizard Adam]

Wiz: One day someone will read this and ask, "You mean you could smoke in a bar back then?"

Q: Thank you, dear. Hey, I've done it to your poems too...I guess it's just something in us...as we read, we see different flow of the same thought.

I started smoking at the age of 9 and started buying my own Camel Non-Filters as soon as I was able I quit over 12 years ago.

I remember when you could smoke in Safeway and Kmart I use to smoke in the grocery store and there would be butts all over the floors!

You are right it will definately be something to tell our grandchildren about