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Everything posted by idealdabbler

  1. Wow. That little change made all the difference in the world. It gave me shivers when I read it just now. Love, Tom
  2. Classic farar. I'm so glad to see you're still at it.
  3. My heart is broken My mind is blown.
  4. I can only say your talent is astounding. Your words and metaphors, etc., are always fresh and revealing. One minor point, in the following lines: "There is a musty flavor in the air one can taste, whether from the bar interior, or the patrons, is not discernable. There is one younger couple," You use the phrase,"There is..." twice in close succession. Your only uses of that phrase, by the way. It's a weak construction that adds nothing to the picture, and could be done without.
  5. Hmmm... maybe I should give you my wife's number. It seems you two have alot in common. Ohhhh! What am I thinking?
  6. MELODRAMA So here we have it now, the whole drama played out before us. The coy moves ending in ecstatic bliss. Moments of sweetness freely shared with a public too embarrassed to object. Sugary dripping saturating, slipping from tongues, landing in puddles. Then it begins, the first hints of distress, of messiness no relation can bear. Ripping recriminations darken the sky giving way to cries of grief. No sweetness lost, no forgiveness for the cost. Only pain and sorrow from those who gave to those who borrow. So who was it for? The freak or the whore? And are you happy now it’s been done? ©2003 Thomas L. Royce
  7. It sounds to me like he was what they call a savant, or maybe even high-functioning Aspergers Syndrome. Hard to know now. I don't mean to psychoanalyse you, Claire, but have you tried forgiving him for being just who he was, and if so, have you forgiven yourself. I know it sounds trite, and I hope you'll forgive me for that. But I find often that when something comes back up 'out-of-the-blue' it comes down to an issue of forgiveness. Tom
  8. When it comes out all sloppy like that, it means it's time to play. I believe you taught me something like that. Really Q, this is quite good as it is, but I know you like to ~diddle~. So ~diddle~
  9. Autumn twilight caught by the wind Leaves patter soft about me Washing the hills in gold My breath is scattered scattered is My breath gold in the hills Washing about me soft Leaves patter the wind caught by Autumn twilight
  10. This is outstanding! A confessional we can all relate to. And I absolutely love the chorus and the permutations it goes through. Tom
  11. It's a snarky place & perhaps a bit of a race but why bother to annoy when it's simply a toy? C'mon! You have the balls... you bowl like a toilet flushing just to annoy it & what now you don't have the operatic achievement? Yes, you licked as slick as a salt-starved monkey kinda funky & deep-down painful but why? Why did you ever in force play that way you wandered upon... To not again wander that pasture you plowed & pissed upon? Perhaps it's a darkness you never sought but were simply taught, just a thought, Pooor baby! Sorry Q, just an inner compulsion. I love this one. Deeply enigmatic, scolding, but whom? Dabby
  12. The way it was posted was ok, but I definitely think the original line is better. Ties it back to the first line. Like Q said, this is a hard topic. This is well-written, and the pain of frustration comes across.
  13. I have no Tanka I can write for you today With clouds in the sky I find that I am depressed I'll try again tomorrow.
  14. It's very clear. There is no joy here. Only a gripping finality without a chance for redemption. Well-done my dear.
  15. Kinda sounds like a word salad. No matter how you toss it. Could you pass the bleu cheese, please? You're absolutely right, however, in your aproach to experimentation. You gotta get away from the predictable sometimes.
  16. Maybe you guys should close the door first?
  17. Hey Theresa, my last posting was number 777 for me. That's gotta be interpreted as a lucky sign, huh? Of course, by pointing this out, I no longer have 777 posts.
  18. Yay!! for Theresa. I'll keep my fingers crossed for you. Maybe even say a prayer or something like that.
  19. I s'pose it depends on what kind of pie that is.