Qryos Posted October 15, 2007 Report Share Posted October 15, 2007 ~ Tanka is a poetry form that's sorta strict.Syllable count is 5-7-5-7-7.The first two lines have an image, 3rd & 4th have a different image, the 5th ties them together.My attempt...Only the wind singsNow that the house is empty.The birds have all flownFar away with the summer.I am left behind wingless.Anyone else willing to try a strictured poety form? No rhyming necessary!{It's a Japanes form. Like haiku, the point is not to rhyme. Of course in Japanese it's trickier not to rhyme than to :lol} Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Verisoph Posted October 15, 2007 Report Share Posted October 15, 2007 (edited) I'll bite. PlacerCome along my friendto a place just past the bend.Where flow hits a wallthere the golden nuggets fallwaiting to be found.Sorry, I like to rhyme.Oh, it's about panning for placer gold in mountain streams. 'Course it's an analogy, too. Edited October 15, 2007 by Verisoph Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Verisoph Posted October 15, 2007 Report Share Posted October 15, 2007 Oops, I thought the last line was supposed to be five syllables. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Qryos Posted October 15, 2007 Author Report Share Posted October 15, 2007 (edited) ~ You are a darling! Perhaps?Come along my friendto a place just past the bend.Where flow hits a wallthere the golden nuggets fall.Waiting to be found again.... Just a suggestion! Edited October 15, 2007 by Qryos Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Verisoph Posted October 15, 2007 Report Share Posted October 15, 2007 Sounds good, except that it doesn't fit the analogy, which is admittedly obscure.It's said that the way of the Tao is a watercourse way -- that one should go with the flow. Gold nuggets do this in a moving stream. But, when the stream hits a bend, on the far outside edge, the flow is interrupted. There, gold nuggets collect, and can be gathered.I guess what I'm trying to say is that some of life's best lessons are to be found, by those who are willing to look for them, in the troubled spots.I'll go with this:PlacerCome along my friendto a place just past the bend.Where flow hits a wallthere the golden nuggets fallgladly waiting to be found. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Qryos Posted October 15, 2007 Author Report Share Posted October 15, 2007 ~ I actually did understand your analogy... I was touching on the 'come along my friend' as perhaps a re-uniting& the gold as newly found.... I know, I'm a pain in the tush!Come along my friendto a place just past the bend.Where flow hits a wallthere the golden nuggets fallgladly waiting to be found.... Yep, I think ya ought to go with that! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
idealdabbler Posted October 15, 2007 Report Share Posted October 15, 2007 (edited) I have no TankaI can write for you todayWith clouds in the skyI find that I am depressedI'll try again tomorrow. Edited October 15, 2007 by idealdabbler Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Qryos Posted October 16, 2007 Author Report Share Posted October 16, 2007 Chilled glasses awaitThe family gathering.Swooping low aboveMigrating geese coming home.And so the ice is melted.... I'm not sure, but I think that might be actually sorta good? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
idealdabbler Posted October 19, 2007 Report Share Posted October 19, 2007 Chilled glasses awaitThe family gathering.Swooping low aboveMigrating geese coming home.And so the ice is melted.... I'm not sure, but I think that might be actually sorta good?I'd say. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Theresa Posted October 19, 2007 Report Share Posted October 19, 2007 Made me homesick. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Phillipe Posted October 19, 2007 Report Share Posted October 19, 2007 Anyone else willing to try a strictured poety form?No, Tanka. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
boteomm Posted October 19, 2007 Report Share Posted October 19, 2007 hayride tomorrowwith my wife and 2 childrena horse drawn wagonand hay poking our 4 buttsthe smell of horse doody cheers Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Qryos Posted October 20, 2007 Author Report Share Posted October 20, 2007 ~ Thank you Cosmo! Sounds like fun ... I'm gonna try another...Autumn bringing goldsaluting a new season.Family gatherswith packages from the past.Another chilly winter.... That's sorta depressing, huh? OK, I'll try another...Pine trees hold silentwhile snow softly envelops.Winter is brightenedwhen a child comes to stay.Blankets lost in Spring.... OK, not so cheerful either! I'm on the fly here... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
idealdabbler Posted October 20, 2007 Report Share Posted October 20, 2007 Keep flyin' dear. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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