Phillipe Posted October 3, 2007 Report Share Posted October 3, 2007 Paralyzed by Fluorescent Lights (sung to the tune of “Paradise by the Dashboard Lights” – by Meatloaf)Patient:I remember every little thingAs if it happened only yesterdayParking in the lotAnd there was not another patient in sightAnd I never had a docTreat me any worse than you didAnd all the guys at workThey were glad they weren't me that nightAnd now my body is oh so cold and tightIt never felt so bad, I never felt such blightAnd I'm groaning like a stuck pig in the dark of the nightC'mon! Hold on tight!C'mon! Hold on tight!Though it's cold and lonely and I've got blurred sight'Cause I can't see too well with fluorescent lights Doctor:Ain't no doubt about itTime to get undressedNow you are forty-nine years oldAnd have pains in your chestAin't no doubt about itNo need to pout about itAin't no doubt about itTime to get undressedPatient:But I'm forty-nine years oldAnd have these pains in my chestDoctor:Sir, I'll listen to your heartYou got it drowning out the radioI've been waiting so longFor you to come along and have some testsAnd I gotta let ya knowYes you're really gonna regret itSo open up your eyes while I analyzeIt'll feel all rightWell I wanna make your ticker runAnd now your body is oh so cold and tightIt doesn't feel so good, it doesn't feel too rightAnd you're moaning like a stuck pig in the dark of the nightC'mon! Hold on tight!C'mon! Hold on tight!Though it's cold and lonely and you're losing your sightI can see your x-rays by the ER lightX-rays by the ER lightThe docs will do what they canAnd advise a little more bed restAin't no doubt about itYou got pains in your chestBut you are barely forty-nineAnd you are barely--We're gonna go operate tonightWe're gonna go operateTonight's the night...Radio Broadcast:Ok, here we go, we got a real pressure cookergoing here, two IV down, nothing on, no scoring,bottom of the lungs, there's the wind-up andthere it is, a scalpel-cut up the middle, lookat him go. This Doctor can really fly!He's rounding the lungs and really turning it onnow, he's not letting up at all, he's gonnatry for the spleen; the retractor is bobbled out in center,and here comes the suture, and what a suture!He's gonna get the anesthesia head-first, here it comes, he's out!No, wait, he's awake—still awake, this guy reallymakes things happen out there.Doctor steps up to the table, here's the slice--he's going, and what a jump he's got, he's tryingfor the liver, here's the clamp, it's old as dirt--save the liver! Holy cow, how debased!He's taking a pretty big piece of tissue out of there, almostdaring him to try and regain consciousness. The nurseglances over, the resident winds up, and it's misdiagnosed, misdiagnosedfor the third time, the suicide squeeze is on!Here he comes, get the paddles, it's gonna be close,here's the resuscitation, there's the play at the heart,holy cow, I don't think he's gonna make it!Doctor:Stop right there!I gotta know right now!Before we go any further--!Can you pay me?Will you pay me forever?Do you hear me?Will you reimburse me?You would make me so happy (and the same for my wife)If you have insurance with Metropolitan LifeCan you pay me!?Will you pay me forever!?Do you hear me!?Do you have A-1 credit?!?You would me so happy (and the same for my wife)If you have some Blue Cross or Provisional LifeI gotta know right nowBefore we go any furtherCan you pay me!!!?Will you pay me forever!!!?Patient:Please just operateDoctor, doctor please just operatePlease just operateAnd I'll give you my answer in the morningPlease just operateDoctor, doctor please just operatePlease just operateAnd I'll give you my answer in the morningPlease just operateDoctor, Doctor please just operatePlease just operateAnd I'll give you my answer in the morningDoctor:I gotta know right now!Will you pay me?Will you pay me forever?Do you hear me?Will you reimburse me?You could make me so happy (and the same for my wife)Will you pay me today to try to save your poor life?I gotta know right now!Before we go any furtherWill you pay me?Or do you have some insurance?Patient:Please just operateDoctor, doctor please just operatePlease just operateAnd I'll give you my answer in the morningPlease just operate!!!Doctor:Will you pay me on credit?Patient:Please just operate!!! Doctor:Do you have some insurance???Patient:I couldn't take it any longerLord I'm in pain! Then the nausea came upon meLike a tidal waveI started swearing at Rn's and on my mother's graveThat I would pay you to the end of timeI swore that I would pay you to the end of time!So now I'm praying for the end of timeTo hurry up and arriveCause if I have another payroll deduction made I don't think that I can really surviveI'll never break my promise or forget my vowBut God only knows, I'd like to sue right nowI'm praying for the end of timeIt's all that I can doPraying for the end of time, so I can end my payments to you!!!(Repeat to fade-out:)Patient:It was long ago and it was far awayThe docs were much better than they are todayDoctor:It never felt so goodIt never felt so rightI'm raking in the doughFrom everyone in sight Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Whirling Dervish Posted October 3, 2007 Report Share Posted October 3, 2007 Brilliant! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rev.Fred Posted October 3, 2007 Report Share Posted October 3, 2007 listen to Meatloaf much??? AWESOME!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Phillipe Posted October 3, 2007 Author Report Share Posted October 3, 2007 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Call me Flower Posted October 3, 2007 Report Share Posted October 3, 2007 That was really good! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Phillipe Posted October 3, 2007 Author Report Share Posted October 3, 2007 Thank you, my Queen. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bel Posted October 3, 2007 Report Share Posted October 3, 2007 Once again my love you have amazed me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Phillipe Posted October 3, 2007 Author Report Share Posted October 3, 2007 When I stop doing that, luv, it'll be time to leave. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bel Posted October 3, 2007 Report Share Posted October 3, 2007 I don't believe that will happen. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Verisoph Posted October 4, 2007 Report Share Posted October 4, 2007 Very well done, Sifu!Um, do you have a lot of time on your hands? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Phillipe Posted October 4, 2007 Author Report Share Posted October 4, 2007 Very well done, Sifu!Um, do you have a lot of time on your hands?Despite any possible appearances, it really doesn't take all that long. This one, a little longer than usual, granted, but still well under 10 minutes. The usual process is that as I go about my daily chores, a song will either be playing on a radio or will just pop into my head for whatever reason. I then start playing with it, coming up with themes and possible word substitutions.By the time I sit down and commit it to electronic paper, it's already pretty much formed. Depending upon my mood and/or available time, I might tweak it a bit, but I'm not really swinging for the fence with these - just playing on the local sandlot. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Qryos Posted October 4, 2007 Report Share Posted October 4, 2007 ~ Phil's just a genius, that's all! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bel Posted October 4, 2007 Report Share Posted October 4, 2007 Yep, he is that. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Phillipe Posted October 4, 2007 Author Report Share Posted October 4, 2007 Stop!...well, for a little while, anyway... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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