Letting Go Of Angst

[Rev. Justice Rivermyst]

I usually don't have problems with this.. But with my brother finally coming home from Chicago for the first time in ten years..

It's been a really difficult time dealing with him. He's been homeless here several times, he's lived with us, his family, several times.. And it seems he takes it for granted. He's lied to us and stolen from us more than a handful of times. It's gotten to the point where I feel very tense and don't want to have anything to do with him. When I hear of him I get angry. When I think about him, I get angry. When my mother speaks of him, I get angry.

Right now, my prayer is not only for the seeds we planted in him to be cultivated.. But mostly for my own angst. It's really hard to be around him let alone think about him. All he ever does is upset me and I'm looking for some peace so I won't be so emotionally invested and I'll be able to look at him objectively.

Thanks.

Edited October 14, 2011 by Happy Heretic Hakira

[Songster]

I've got no answer to give you, I have experienced the same feelings and reactions. Professional counseling might help you understand why you harbor such hard feelings towards him. My prayers are for you and him to find common ground and enjoy a reconciliation.

[dmesa]

Happy Heretic,,

Your brother is not responsible for what - you - feel. Therefore, the problem is with you. Why does he have to live up to your expectations in order for you not to be angry with him and accept him ? He is your brother, good, bad or ugly. You pointed out his flaws, not his better qualities. You said your angry atleast 3 times. You never said, you loved him - much less unconditionally. Interesting. Get over yourself and stop holding him responsible for your feelings.

Edited October 16, 2011 by dmesa

[Atwater Vitki]

Happy Heretic,,

Your brother is not responsible for what - you - feel. Therefore, the problem is with you. Why does he have to live up to your expectations in order for you not to be angry with him and accept him ? He is your brother, good, bad or ugly. You pointed out his flaws, not his better qualities. You said your angry atleast 3 times. You never said, you loved him - much less unconditionally. Interesting. Get over yourself and stop holding him responsible for your feelings.

While I can agree very much with what you say, as harboring angst and ill feelings is something I deal with on a daily basis, still after years of "knowing better" I do not agree with "get over yourself". Those words have been crammed down more than one "professional help's" throat, when they've gotten the whole picture of what has been going on.

It is NOT all right and okay for someone to just act out and over the top and everyone "has to accept them", not a chance. They are the one that should be "sent" to "help" if they cause so much trouble as obviously if he's causing this for Sancty, he's causing it for Grandmother and rest of the family as well. It is not "right" that everyone walk on eggshells because he refuses to straighten out.

This is really what's "wrong" with society today. We pamper and coddle those that "act out/up" instead of spanking them with two by four counseling, a term my ex used all the time..."they don't act right? a 2x4 upside the head will fix it!"...while I abhor violence, there are some cases where it most certainly is warranted.

I'd say you and Grandma put your foot down Hakira, he either abides by the rules or gets out. He can take his negativity and meaness elsewhere!

Dmesa is right in that "unconditional love" is something you give a sibling, but it's what they do with that love and how they respond to it that matters as well. Don't let him make you mad, make him live up to whatever is expected in the home he's in. If he doesn't follow the rules, bye bye.

Blessings of Peace,

[Rev. Justice Rivermyst]

Thank you all so much for your thoughts and prayers.