Phillipe
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Posts posted by Phillipe
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Good little girls go to heaven.
Bad little girls go everywhere.
Remember?
With an avatar of an angel in 'cuffs, how could I possibly forget?
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Thank you, luv -
-but it takes one to know one!
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I thought this WAS our room
...didn't you guys just put another quarter in the little slot when the curtain closed?
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Woohoo -
Two drivers yet.
Now who's going to drive me---correction, Who's going to drive the car first?
Naughty Theresa. Bad, naughty Theresa.
...but you have such drive...
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No, no artiste (my tongue wants to go "t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t" at the end of that word) - just have weird wiring in my noggin. Kind of like one of those monkeys that type out Shakespeare...
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Thank you for the thought, really - but I've never imagined there would be a market for that, unless it were something like being a staff writer for someone like Weird Al Yankovic. Otherwise, the copyright issues alone would be immense...
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Silly I have my Cady I just need a driver.
Here I am...
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Thank you, my Queen.
Hope I didn't alienate any necromancers on the board...
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Amazing how those two emoticons are so perfectly mated, isn't it?
Coincidence or...?
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Excellent sweets!
Now the biggest decision is, the Ferrari or the Lamborghini...
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Remember those machines you put a quarter in and stand on, then they vibrate you all over?
...I liked them.
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Glad y'all like it!
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LOL - maybe they're one and the same, like Bruce Wayne and Batman.
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Oddly familiar sentiments...
Love it!
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*shimmy, shake*
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*shimmy, shake*
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WDED interrupts your regular programming during this commercial-free Halloween season marathon to present, by popular request, the stunning and thought-provoking classic tale by the good Doctor himself and his considerations about how he wants to die...
That's DIE, as in DEATH, DIE, CHECK OUT, MORTE, SNUFF IT....
...ahem...sorry...we here at WDED get excited about Death this time of year...BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
COMMERCIAL-FREE UNTIL NOVEMBER 1st!!!
And now, without further interruption...
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Dr. Seuss Considers His Death
Everyone dies, so they say, without fail
I just cannot wait to go beyond that vale
My eyes will not see and my nose will not sniff
When my poor old body is all cold and stiff
By jumping off mountains or laying on track
Overdosing on some Heroin or some Crack
Insulting a guy far, far bigger than me
Carry lead weights in my pockets at sea
Take some prescriptions with gallons of booze
That’ll make sure I don’t wake from my snooze
Touch some high voltage – 440 or so -
That’ll give me that oh-so-healthy glow
Driving my car in the wrong lane at night
Enter a biker bar and start a fight
Hurl racial slurs in the ghetto by day
Borrow from shylocks, then refuse to pay
Ignoring the warning signs of a weak heart
“Horrible chest pains? I just need to fart!”
Dance in the midst of the Daytona race
Put arsenic make-up all over my face
Fall on my sword, hang myself from a beam,
Should I go out with a whimper or scream?
Listen to music so loud my ears burst
Choke on a huge piece of warm liverwurst
Fall down the shaft of an old elevator
Offer my throat to a wild alligator
Get shot by bullets, whether small or large
Tie myself up to the front of a barge
Jump off a bridge into waters so deep
Stand in the road and get hit by a Jeep
Fall from the Empire State Building’s top
Pull a toy gun on a frustrated cop
Don’t forget illness – I hope I get sick
A nice dose of bubonic plague is the trick
Or maybe something that would remove my smile
Like fever I get from the African Nile
Eat some old blowfish not cooked the right way
Lie under elephants as they do sway
Smack a big Rottie smack dab in his face
Time to check out from this poor human race
Now I lay down as the sun mounts the sky
Time to retire, get off-stage and die
No one will miss me, I’m quite sure of that
Hey! Maybe I’ll go like that Cat in the Hat!
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WDED - commercial-free through the Halloween season!
*in Casey Kasem voice* This is a request that goes out to "Snuggles" in Kiss-and-Tell, Idaho, whose boyfriend had just left her last week after discovering she was in love with a Furby. Snuggles, keep on fighting the good fight and happiness will soon be at your side.
But until then, have a listen to Universal Lite Beer Factory and their mega-huge-jumbo smash hit-a-roonee of 1934...
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Hotel ULC
(sung to the tune of Hotel California - all apologies to The Eagles)
On the Internet Highway, salt breeze found my hair
Bad smell of religion, rising up through the air
Up ahead in the distance, I saw a ULC site
My fingers itched to write some funny stuff
Instead of sleeping at night
Murphy stood in the doorway;
As stories Wilbur tells;
And Dorian's thinking to himself,
"My head is whirling and this could be Hell"
Then Claire lit a candle and she showed me the way
There were voices in the Admin room,
I thought I heard them say...
"Welcome to the Hotel ULC
Such a loony place
Such a funny place
Plenty of room at the Hotel ULC
Any time of year, you can find us here"
Meredog's definitely twisted, at least the mail that he sends
Elphaba's got some pretty toys, that she calls "friends"
How they dance in the Forum, some perspire, some sweat
Some dance without partners, some are just there to fret
So I came to the Forum
And I started my whine
I said, "I haven't seen such weirdness here...since I met Divine!"
And still those flame wars are calling from far away
Writing parodies all through the night
That's when I hear them say...
"Welcome to the Hotel ULC
Such a loony place
Such a funny place
We're livin' it up at the Hotel ULC
Look up to the skies - bring your alibis
Ed Crain's on the ceiling
And Theresa could melt ice
And I said, "This is all just fantasy here, but the words sure sound nice"
And in the Off Topic Area
They gathered for the feast
They stroke it with their steely words
And it rises just like yeast
Last thing I remember, I was
Typing on the floor
I had to find the hot-link back
To the thread I was before
"Relax", said the Admin
"There's no Communion to receive,
You can logout any time you like,
But you can never leave!"
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And now WDED presents a sad, yet curiously satisfying tale of a how long-haired, motorcycle-riding hippy freak meets his end on a lonely highway...
Happy Halloween Season, from all of us here at WDED! Remember - the commercial-free pumpkins are the reason for the season!
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Release of the Renegade
Renegade on the two-lane road, his hair loose in the wind
Had left the small town late last night, right after he had sinned
The moon above so full and blue, his leathers soft and warm
He headed out of Hell that day into the welcome storm
The storm he rode to had no rain, nor wind nor driving sleet
It was a storm he’d weather soon, and in the end defeat
For while the skies above him now were clear and full of stars
He knew that soon that harvest moon would shine upon fresh scars
He’d had his fill of pleasures ill, of drunken gropes and bar fights
He’d seen the country on two wheels, by sunshine and neon lights
For while he’d known many a girl and fought many a man
He’d also known his time had flown, solely through his own hand
So as he roared on down the lanes his mind was free and clear
He’d known the pain of loneliness, the ecstasy of fear
He’d shared embraces on the beach, got stoned and fought his fight
He knew that what he witnessed now would be his last full night
So living in the moment, as his kind is wont to do,
He searched for his immortal soul, a path that would prove true
But emptiness confronted him at each and every turn
That’s when he knew his life was run, his soul would ever burn
Whatever he did now would prove to be his final act
He’d gone beyond hypothesis; he dealt now just in fact
He saw no future down that strip of coiling quick-patched tar
And as he looked within himself, he missed that wayward car
Somewhere out in the desert where coyotes howl and play
There drifts a soul so marred and old, but happy, in its way
Release was won that fateful night through grace of Heaven’s hand
His spirit soared above the moon while flesh lay in the sand
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WDED digs deeeeeep into our classics vault and pulls out this vintage Fubert and the Man-Apes single about a man who is seriously depressed at Halloween, that most wondrous time of year, and how the solution to his problem suddenly appears...
...but not in the way he might have expected...bwahahahahahahahahahaha!
Commercial-free until November 1st! Turn on, tune in and zone out!
WDED - we're DED!
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Return of the Baboon
All lonely was I in my cramped little room
Hearing voices of pain, depression, and gloom
A knock on the door seemed to spell out my doom
That’s when I witnessed the return of the baboon
He entered my cell with a bounce and a grin
I hollered, “Who the hell let YOU in?!?”
Ignoring my question, he bounced off the bed
And put three bananas on top of my head
He then did a gainer onto my wood floor
He made a weird sound – partly scream, partly snore
Then he climbed up the curtains and tumbled with glee
And ended up directly in front of me
I knew this baboon from my past glory times
He helped when I got stuck creating my rhymes
A practical joker, the life of the room
That’s what I now faced in this silly baboon
He pulled a small tic from his yellow-brown fur
Then begged for some food like a starving old cur
He told me some jokes and did some pantomime
No one could accuse him of being sublime
He put his back legs into my pair of boots
Then ate some bananas and let out some toots
Just when I had thought he was acting too nice
He went and drank my last bottle of Old Spice
He burped and he laughed and he twirled in the air
(That’s just like a baboon – he hasn’t a care)
He showed me some pictures – what bad baboon smut! –
Then circled behind me and chomped on my butt
I finally got him to stop running ‘round
And trapped that baboon with my arms on the ground
At first he just struggled and flailed and hissed
Then he puffed out his lips and he gave me a kiss
Oh, somewhere a kitty is sleeping all sound
And somewhere a puppy is saved from the pound
They give their folks happiness, love, and friendship
But me? I have baboon spit on my top lip!
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Commercial-free until Halloween! No commercials at all! None! Nothing that would make you run away screaming in horror...
...well...not from the commercials, anyway...
BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
Here's Phillipus and the Yard-Arms with their mega-Platinum hit about the man with no tongue...
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The Silent Sentinel
He stood on the
Aged oaken deck,
Seagulls his only company
For what had been taken,
At such a great cost,
Was ne’er given over for free
He’d fought and he’d sang
As he traveled the world,
Brought children into this bleak sphere
But after a while
He had lost his great smile
To a circumstance verily queer
He’d never refrained
From speaking his mind,
A bon mot, or witty reply
So what had occurred had
Surpassed his best word
As if he had been fixin’ to die
His tongue had been silenced
By ruffians many,
His syllables cut off at birth
The silence was thun’drous,
Though his mind were won’drous,
His words were indeed at a dearth
His words, once so free,
Had gained shackles at sea,
All due to that horrible night
And tho’ some may say
That it’s better that way,
It still is a wrong, not a right
So now he stays dumb,
Waiting for what will come,
As the world goes about its foul ways
His life is a shell,
A sure-thing living Hell,
As he sits and waits for his last days
Phillipus Louigious Bellafontaine
Copyright 2005 All rights reserved
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Continuing with all the greatest hits, all the time, here's Count Von SeeFoo and the Horrorettes with...
A REAL Bedtime Story
Care Bears cavorting neath' bright morning sun
Kitties and puppies all having their fun
Flowers do sway to the music so nice
Courtesy of the twelve fiddling mice
Curtsy and bow as the dancers all do
Trip the fantastic - a new waltz or two
Rainbows appear in the cloudless blue sky
Lions and lambs all together do lie
"Thank you" and "Please" are the words of the day
No one need tussle to get their own way
Lollipops grow on the branches of trees
When the snow falls, we seem never to freeze
Every day's bright with its magical fill
Everyone's healthy, no one can get ill
Women are gorgeous, the men are all sleek
Seven days loafing makes up our work week
(*looks around...*)
...I think the youngsters have been lulled to sleep...
Suddenly Hell came to rule once again
Bringing back sorrow and worry and pain
Eating the puppies and slaying the cats
Throwing Care Bears into bubbling vats
Stomping on flowers and poisoning mice
Using the bones of the dancers as dice
Polluting the rainbow and darkening sky
Slaying the lions and lambs as they lie
"No, Master, NO!!!" are the words that we love
There'll be no salvation from Heaven above
Lollipops sodden with toxic decays
Snowflakes are plague-filled, just like the old days!
Eternal darkness is what we do see
I can't save you and you cannot save me
Women are demons, the men are much worse
Our work week is endless, our Satanic curse
(*Oops - the kids are waking up...*)
And so did the children live out their glad days
Exploring the world and its wondrous ways
It's lunch time, I think - have a hot dog or two
You really love me, and I truly love you!
Good night, boys and girls...
...wherever you are...
Wish Me Luck
in Creative Expression & Cultural Arts
Posted
Sweetheart, you could remove everything and still be naughty.
...thank Neptune...