VaCarla

After I read every book of Jane Austen, including my favorite books of all, Pride and Prejudice, I now read every book Candace Bushnell has written. SO now I am at her fourth book, Lipstick Jungle, and I really have to admit that I love her style of writing. Her sharp look upon a society that a lot of us want to be a part of, and she is one of the most gifted observer of the rich slice of Manhattan society. Right at the moment I do believe that it is her best Novel so far and may even be a victory flag for women who have control of their life.

My momentary piece of soul is 'White Horse' from Taylor Swift. Singing about the tragedy of life when you realize that reality is far beyond a Fairytale from Walt Disney, when it turns out that you are not a princess and that the prince on his white horse does not really exist and that real love is based on a different scheme than Fairytale, but rampant reality and even pain, when it turns out, that the one you love is not a prince, but just a man, that wants to break your heart. It is a wonderful, real song, that captures my heart in its lyrics.

This is my story of what brought me here, sharing this with you. Through the last two years of suffering and being hurt I finally stepped out of my hardest times stronger than I have been before. Two years ago, when I actually believed that my life was perfect, unbelievably full of love and life I got a message that shook my world and left a complete destruction. I head a lot of headaches the last times and so, after all the medicine that I already had at home, did not work out, I went to see a doctor, hoping he could help me getting rid of my headaches that appeared up to six times a day, pounding and painfully hurting. I sat there in front of the doctor and as he said that, after several test and ultrasonic tests, I have a cerebral tumor. I thought, at that moment, I am completely breaking into pieces inside. I just sat there, stared at him and tried not to cry, but from one moment to another I burst out in tears and I felt it running down my cheeks and I was a complete mess. At home, talking to my husband made it even worse, because it hurt him and he saw right into my face and as he said, we would make it through this time I could not help myself but crying the whole night through. I lie there in his arms and just cried. We was awake with me through the night and he was just there without saying anything, what I needed at that moment, and just held me tight. One week after that night I faced myself in the mirror of my hospital room, and in that hospital light I had a breakdown, thinking everything would be over, my life, my love...I seemed to lose my faith and everything else I worked for the rest of my life. After the surgery I had to go through several chemo therapies, irradiation and injections. I was a mess, losing my hair and weight, looking terribly sick and as if I gave up life, but the truth is, that I did not give up. I loved my husband, my child too much to give up life, it was a matter of impossibility to just give up and let cancer win. It is like letting the devil win over my life and I knew God would never let me die without fighting for my life and so I gained more faith in my life, in God and in the love of my life. Now two years later, I look back and I think about that time, and I realize that it made me stronger and it made a woman of me, that I always wanted to be, strong and loving, caring and believing. Without my faith in God and without my husband's love I would not have been able to make it through the harshest time of my life.