Br. Josef

I have been told the world no longer needs people like me.

I have been about half way around the world. I came back. I miss the places I have been and want to go again.

In the last 20 years I have worked with some of the most dedicated people and have worked on multimillion dollar equipment. I have been trusted with secrets that would cause much trouble if ever told and helped out in a handful of disaster relief and rescue operations both in my own country and overseas. I have had more than a thousand people placed under me in a chain of command and taken confession from someone that has taken confession from others. When I returned where I thought was home, I was no longer trusted and looked on as an outsider.

I have piloted a 49' boat and repaired jet aircraft, inspected fire systems and generators in secure government buildings, plumbed buildings with more than 5 acres of roof, ran gas lines that were miles long, been expected to carry side arms inside London city limits and much more; but I do not seem to have the ability to convince the manger at McDonald's that I can flip burgers.

I don't see ghosts of dead friends but I continue to hear the voice of at least one of their mothers asking where her son is and remembering I knew where but was not allowed to tell her until the guys in the dress suits knocked on her door and we had no idea where she was to send them. So I had to try and find out. I still see the walls of the captains office where I was answering the phone. I still seen the acting first sergeant sitting down to take over the call after I was on the phone over 45 minutes and just had to get out of there. I still see the tears on his face as he took the call when I went out to make coffee for us. I remember later rushing a manilla envelope to the wing headquarters; knowing just what was in the package, and knowing it meant the mother would have someone knocking at her door soon. Still later, I remember a personal call I took with the first sergeant looking on and learning that one of my friends was the soldiers very close friend and having to pull rank I did not have to tell him to go to the base chaplain to find out anything since we weren't telling anyone over the phones; I remember calling the chaplain and telling him to make sure he talked to my friend right away and telling him the news. I remember a year of struggling to deal with people after that and struggling with people in general since.

I know God exists because I talk to Him often; and a few times He's returned the favour. I wonder sometimes about how the world is allowed to be so ignorantly run by our leaders and sometimes think that He must have an odd sense of humour; other times I am sure that He wants us to try doing something about it.

If we all tried to follow God's first 2 laws, love Him and love our neighbours; I can not help but think the world would be a better place. All this and I have several head shrinks that tell me I am not insane and that the world really is this screwed up.

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All that is, was, and will be again.

Nothing is new under the sun.