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Sophia

Best Qualities Of A Friend?

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For much of my life I had a best friend. Over the last year though we have grown distant. I have tried to maintain our bond but it seems the other person cares less than I do to do so. This person claims we are still friends but does very little to support that claim. Lately it seems she is just too busy for me. We will make plans and she continuously stands me up. Much of the time she doesn't even call me to let me know shes not coming. I discussed this with her the other day and she got angry with me. Are her actions that of a real friend? I dont think so, but I may be overreacting.

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Just as a marriage, friendship takes two. I learned a long time ago that it was unseemly of me to run after friends who did not respond to my out reach. The road runs both ways, the telephone makes calls as well as receives calls, the internet sends as well as receives, and the postman delivers to me as well as my friends. Time on earth is to short to beg people to spend time with me.

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Hello Sophia, I am sorry to hear about your situation. I am going through something kinda similar. A few months ago I partnered with an individual in order to achieve a common goal. I then believed I would eventually become friends with this person. In the beginning this individual seemed very commited to the project but his commitment began to wane over time. He too would make appointments with me and not show up. Rarely was he respectful enough to call or text me in order to let me know. He still tells me he is committed but he does little to make me believe so. These actions have made it difficult for me to consider him a friend.

I believe the qualities a friend should possess are honesty, loyalty, dependability, and selflessness. If they fail in any of these they are not a true friend in my opinion.

†?†

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By their deeds shall you know them.
You have witnessed their deed.
Those deeds speak volumes.
You already know the answer to your question.
I am sorry.

Life isn't fair.
But it is best if we see clearly,... and move on.

Blessings, friend.

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All of life includes changes
we all change as do our relationships with others
sometimes time apart happens,
perhaps you will reunite later in life possibly not

this year I lost two of my closest friends within four months of each other

their deaths were hard to experience and I miss them so much

You asked about best qualities in a friend
I say the best quality a friend can have is whatever completes what we mutually need in our lives at the time
some folks need people to be on hand all the time, others do not
some need someone to bounce ideas off of
some need a listener some a talker
some a travel companion some a shopping partner

a friend is someone who makes us want to be with them and makes us feel good when we are and miss them when we are not with them.

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Thanks everyone! I have been pondering giving up on this person for awhile now. Your responses have made it easier.

Reverend V, it sounds like you need to consider dropping your dead weight as well. His actions appear very selfish and he obviously is notcommitted. I'm thinking he may have had a less than sincere motive to begin with.

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It is pretty easy to tell if someone is your friend or not. Sincerity can only be faked for so long. I agree with Rev V's list of qualities. I also agree that people that do not possess them need to be discarded.

Sophia and Rev V, its time to put out the trash. Those people have far exceeded their expiration dates.

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Trash I think not maybe what you think is trash is not what it seems there are always two sides to every story so before you label you should find out the other sides view on things. I am the one that V is speaking of and yes I have failed to show up to appointments that I did make. Sometimes I said I may be there and there where sometimes that I said I would be there and did not come but I live a distance away and finacially I am having a difficult time even trying to get to work and I have told V that. I consider a friend someone who does not send messages saying hateful things and even though I have slacked in my ways I would not throw a friend to the curb for a few instances. A true friend sticks with friends like you would a wife through better or worse. That being said V just want you to know that I might of got upset with some of the text messages but trust me when I say that I took them alot better then I would if you where someone else because I might have blown up and said things that I shouldnt have because we both know I am trying to work on that filter problem I have. I still consider you a friend and I still want to go through with what you are talking about I am just having my own issues right now that is effecting the progress.

Â

Edited by Assassin

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In reality I have been a good friend because not only does a certain person have a reputation with mutual people we may know a rep that is not very desirable and may be false if you get to know him I looked pass all of that and still came and talked to this person and got to know him and then on top of that when people talk crap about this person I often defend him and make sure that it is known not to talk about him around me at least. So I think that out weighs me not showing up to a few practices even though when we are at work most the time I go to were ever he is working to make up for the practices that I have missed due to situations that I can not avoid as a family man and due to money issues. So I think my friendship is not trash and that I have been a pretty good friend but I could be wrong.

Â

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Sophia, I think it is easy enough to see if someone is your friend or not. A real friend is willing to sacrifice some of themselves to you. They will do what they can to make time for you and they do not take you for granted. They are honest and sincere about their feelings and motives. :friends::drinks:

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Enchanted, I agree. It is usually easy enough to tell if someone is a real friend or not. I think I have let my situation drag on for far too long. It seems the individual in my situation only comes around when she needs something. Stupid me has always given in to her requests. Not anymore! She needs to realize friendship is a two way street.

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Sorry to come in on this thread so late. If I may...I have been friends with someone since childhood. We are not always able to connect, but each knows the other is there should we need to reach out to someone. Over 30 years, we have been friends. Through marriages, births, divorces, and deaths. I understand there are things happening beyond my control. Perception is much a part of everything. Questioning a friends motivation or intent can be akin to confrontation, which no one wants.

I always give time and chance for my friend to come around when I feel I have been slighted or such. Often I find, I was mistaken in my assumption. Still, friends are able to forgive and share their sympathies and understanding, love and grief.

Question you should ask yourself, would you be any better, worse, or the same with the person in your life? Afterall, there is cause and effect with every choice.

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I saw a family tie ruined earlier this month by a few hundred dollars, and it got me to thinking. I never loan family money, just for that reason, because inevitably there are feelings hurt, something is misunderstood, etc...and is family relations only worth a few hundred dollars? So when I have the money to give and someone needs it, I give it with no attachments, because that is what true friends and family does. If it gets paid back, that is nice, but never necessary for me. The same thing with favors, of course. Expect something in return and you will never be disappointed, most often what you get in return is grief and sorrow. Give freely, that is the quality in a friend that is best, in my opinion, and in family too, for that matter.

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The best qualities of a friend are:

1) Someone who likes/cares/loves you for you and not your race, religion, sexual orientation, social status, etc...

2) Someone who is willing to put themselves out there for you and not expect any thing in return.

3) Someone that understands even though you may say or do things things to them in the heat of the moment that are hurtful, they are still willing to stand by your side.

4) Someone that is willing to be a pillar and prop you up during times of trouble.

5) Someone who gives you their ear and simply listens when you need to talk, and they will withhold all judgement.

6) Someone who wont leave you just because something/someone better comes along.

7) Someone who wont turn the friendship into a toxic relationship, lead you down a destructive path or into dangerous situations on purpose. As we all know even the best intentions can go awry.

8) Someone who will forgive you for mistakes you make.

9) Someone who will flat out tell you what you need to hear when you are doing something stupid, self destructive, dangerous, or harmful to others, even if you don't like what they have to say, a friend should still be there by your side when you have done these things.

Now people do change and do grow apart, that is part of growing. A true friend even with you growing apart will still be a friend and think of you and will still support your decisions. My best friend in high school is now married and doesnt live in the area any more, even though we dont talk as much as we used to we still keep in contact and send each other birthday wishes, holiday greetings, etc... and let each other know we are thinking of them.

I have also had people that I thought were my friend, but because of their behavior I have no longer have ties with them, they got involved in a bad crowd, drugs, or made stupid choices and when I confronted them about these choices and tried to help them they acted like I didn't matter. I don't give up right away, I will keep trying to help, but even I know when it trying to help is pointless. Even when I have cut my ties to them, I still think of them, and have told them that if they ever get their act straightened up I am here if they would like to try and repair the friendship.

And yes these are my opinions and I know some may disagree with them, and you know what That's all right, everyone should have their own opinions on what the best qualities of a friend are.

Edited by Rev Douglas Trouten

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