God Signs To My Soul


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God Signs to my soul


Silence me, Lord.
Quiet my thinking
that distracts me from You.

I feel the drumbeat on my skin,
The guitar gently fills my chest.
I feel the music that I can not hear.

I lift my hands in praise,
singing to You from the same soul
that is filled with the music.

I celebrate You.
I don't have to hear You with my ears.
You Sign to my soul.

You reach me in my very thoughts.
No words are wasted.
You reach inside me.

You know my needs,
for you are my Creator
and my Savior.

Why would anyone ever think
You would not know
How to speak to my soul?

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I would be honored. Yes, that is my own writing. I wrote it in response to a couple things that happened recently:

It is no secret that my hearing is not good. I can perceive sound, but as far as having a conversation, spoken words mean nothing to me. I can not differentiate when the average speaker says the words "map, mat, bat, cat, sap, cap" and a host of others. If I am not looking at you, you can count on me missing over 3/4 of the conversation if not more.

I have finally gotten to a point where I have started signing the worship songs each week at the church service (as part of the congregation). When I sing to praise my Creator, He gave me this language and a method to sing to replace the voice I can no longer trust is singing in tune.

Other members of the congregation had suggested that I might sign as part of the worship team (what some churches call a choir). Well, wanting to do things properly, I approached the elder board to request the proper permissions. I was denied. I was flatly told that this church has existed for 35 years, and there hasd never been a need for Sign. Alas... sometimes things do not happen as one would wish.

Well, as the elder responsible for the music has said to me, they might be able to keep me from signing in the front of the church, but they have no right to tell me what language I can use to worship the Lord as a part of the congregation, as long as I am signing praise and not blasphemy.

Anyhoo... this morning I had a dream - a very vivid dream in which a group dressed in glowing white garments with gold sashes came to me. One came forth and handed me a box of glowing light, and said to me, in Sign Language, "you will share the gift with others today." Well, imagine my surprise when at the service today there was a young lady who is hard of hearing who was signing the music too. Then a couple rows forward of her was a visitor who knows a member of our congregation who also signs (she is hearing, but has an interest in the language). And finally, another newcomer who was wearing a full body hearing aid. He was a machinist and all the years of working heavy equipment took their toll on his hearing. He has not learned to sign yet, but he has learned the alphabet.

So... perhaps the Almighty, in his wise way, is using me to bring Deaf and Hard of Hearing to this church. I do believe I have been called to serve and create a deaf ministry, if not at this church, then somewhere. I will be shown the way. I have tried to explain how our church is already more ready to serve those with hearing loss than most: we take the lyrics of all the worship music where the congregation sings and project the lyrics on a screen at the front of the sanctuary. The pastor has written copies of his message (sermon) typed up that people are welcome to take a copy to review. Yes, it would be wonderful to have an interpreter, but they cost quite a bit of money. In the meantime, this would cover the essential needs, until we can do better. But I do dream of having the music signed. Our service is a bit strange, in that in the hour of service, there is about 20 to 30 minutes of singing, and then the reading and the sermon. If I were allowed to sign the music portion, half the service would be covered, and it would be the "audience participation" part (grinning, but you know what I mean).

I believe there will be a shift and very soon, there will be a noticible deaf population in the ranks of our congregation. In a state where eight percent of the population is identified as deaf or hard of hearing (this is according to our state commission on Deaf and Hard of Hearing), it is time someone serves those who have no church to call home.

I am not a glory hound. I do not wish to sign the music because I want some kind of recognition. I simply want to praise the Lord, and inspire others who want to do the same. It is my dream to have a church without barriers, or at least with a few barriers removed. Until that day, I pray, I dream, and I serve as I am called.

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My dear Br Devon I shall put in a prayer request to the Lord and Blessed Mother to take care of this bussiness. Lets say --daily through my rosary.I am sure they will listen. You are such a blessing to so many--and doing such a wonderful work for God.

Blessings, peace and love to you,

Suzanne

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I appreciate that. In the meantime, I keep reminding myself of my favorite sermon I wrote years ago, dealing with leaving things in God's hands until He chooses the outcome. I used the analogy of raindrops on rock. A giant rock is a barrier that must be overcome - one must go around, over, but one can not go directly through. Rain falls on rock, and to the average eye, nothing happens - the rock simply gets wet. But the reality is each drop of rain in it's way, is wearing away a miniscule amount of that rock. It takes countless drops of rain and much time passing, but there will come a day where that rock is going to be no more than a pile of sand. So, if God wills it, the barriers of my life (even the ones that are simply barriers in my own mind) will fall away.

I do not fault these folks. They are comfortable with what they know. It has worked for them for years, and they do not want to be that warm, fuzzy, church where everyone leaves feeling good, but no one is served by the church or comes to know the Lord. I do respect that. I tease the elders, and say yes we need to plant the seeds (their favorite terms) and grow our church (another favorite), but we need to grow that garden without using fertilizer. (For the hearing, insert a drum rim shot here.) I love this church, and the people there do genuinely care for me, but it is an older crowd, sometimes very set in their ways, and they do not like anything "new." They are, however, realistic and reasonable, and just because they denied me before does not mean it is a "permanent no."

(For what it's worth, because the worship team faces the congregation when they are singing/playing, they also took notice of our visitors, and were quite inspired by the young lady signing, who apparently had looked over at me at the beginning of the service, saw me signing, and began to sing along, knowing she would not be mocked in our church for using the language that comes more comfortably to her.)

The best thing is that the two vocalists are each wives of an elder, and the guitarist is an elder himself, so that is a lot of impact. While I realize the ladies can not vote for their husbands, they can influence their decisions. The entire worship team has made it clear to me that despite the decision of the elders, they do support me signing and opening the doors for deaf and hard of hearing to worship. They have been so wonderful that they have graciously allowed me to attend the rehearsals and sing with them so that I can get the timing of each song down (at the rehearsals, I can be in front where I can feel the guitar and drum a lot more strongly, and feel a part of everything - sort of a hearing/deaf jam session). It is a blessing, because on Sunday, I can present the best version of each song I am capable of rendering. It also allows me time to go back and learn a sign or two if I am lost on a specific concept. It helps me build up my vocabulary and makes it a lot easier to accept the progression of my hearing loss.

It will be interesting to see if the young lady or the gentleman attend regularly. I understand that the other lady and her husband attend a church up the street from ours and are happy there, but they have both said they will visit from time to time, and that they enjoyed our service, which is nice to hear. If word gets out, people will come. I trust this totally.

For now, I wait, I pray. God will do what He does best.

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God always works in miraculous ways Br. Devon. Something tells me it won`t be as long as those rocks will need to be disolved by the rain drops. Though I am a bit stumped at your church, because so much is being done in different areas --church as well as the world regarding the hearing impaired as well as other handicaps. Not that much of these things are holding back people as much as they used to. Look at all the wonderful work you are doing!

Keep on singing for the Lord Br Devon. Your poetry is beautiful--thank you for sharing.

Blessings and peace,

Suzanne

Edited by Quetzal
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