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Stormson

Another One Moved On..

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As some of you may know, i have had a rather turbulent relationship for the past 3 years with my girlfriend Tabby, and I was offline for some time while I moved out and got my own place. i have actually been back online (sort of) but have been very quiet as I simply havent had much to say.... As of today, its been two weeks since we found her body, and Ive been having a really rough time with the whole situation.

There has been rumors and speculations, and the (official) autopsy report STILL hasnt come back, but i have been very afraid that she may have killed herself. This makes four that have died on me through the years (I had been told through the grapevine that Wanda was dead at one time, but it turned out she was just very sick), and if Tabby killed herself that would make two suicides.

Sheila Lynn was the other, but I dont think that counts as she had gone from being a bright, beautiful, God fearing young woman just starting collage to being totally schizophrenic in a very short time. I dont believe that was really HER who killed herself and I dont believe that God punishes the real person in such a case. Sadly however, if it turns out that Tabby killed herself, and really meant to, she can lay no such claim.

Me and Tabby had a really rocky relationship, and she was like two different people at times, but the good part of her was one of the very best people this world has ever known. The world, as a whole, is simply something LESS then it was, without her.... Frankly, I cant understand HOW God would even wish to have a world that didnt include Tabby in it... Despite the on again off again nature of our relationship, I love her very deeply and I will miss her more then I can possibly say.

Please pray for her. Pray that she didnt suicide and that if she did she not have to pay the ultimate price for it. The only word from the coroner so far is that her alcohol levels where "through the roof" and she was also on ALLOT of prescription meds. I like to think that if she really did kill herself that she didnt mean to...That she was expecting me to come charging in and save her... That it was an accidental suicide. Better yet, since i can never have my beloved Tabby back here on earth, I'd like to think it wasnt suicide at all and shes waiting for me in Heaven...

Thats all i can write at the moment... And my net is very spotty at best... But I'll be back... Thanks guys.

Edited by Stormson

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There is an Epicurean quote addressing the second part of the Tetrapharmakos that always helps me when I lose someone I care about: "death is nothing to us. For all good and evil consists in sensation, but death is deprivation of sensation. And therefore a right understanding that death is nothing to us makes the mortality of life enjoyable, not because it adds to it an infinite span of time, but because it takes away the craving for immortality. For there is nothing terrible in life for the man who has truly comprehended that there is nothing terrible in not living. [Death] does not then concern either the living or the dead, since for the former it is not, and the latter are no more."

Life hurts the living. Death hurts the living. Neither life nor death hurt the dead. Do those we love want to add another hurt to those we already have? I don't think so. It's okay to hurt and to mourn, but I think we have to remind ourselves that that pain isn't something our loved ones would want us to carry around. So, for what it is worth, I hope you feel better soon and grow stronger for it.

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My prayers for you both will go up in smoke tonight.

This symbolic harvest is of our thoughts.

Seeds - planted and nurtured throughout this past year.

May the good come to pass and the bad be cast aside.

With your divine guidance and protection, we step into the New Year,

May we have good health, prosperity, and happiness.

As the New Year is born, we are all reborn, with new hopes and dreams.

Guide us in the future as in the past.

Give us strength and courage, knowledge and fulfillment.

Assist us as we attempt to achieve our goals.

Every beginning has an ending.

And every ending is a new beginning.

In Life is Death, and in Death is Life.

Watch over us, our loved ones, and all of our brothers and sisters, here and departed,

Who tonight are joined together again for fellowship and celebration.

Bless us all as we light our bonfires, our hearth fires, and the eternal fires in our hearts.

Guide and protect us, tonight and throughout the coming year.

Blessed Be!

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I am so sorry for your loss. If you want to talk, vent, whatever, I am as close as a PM.

There is never a good time to lose anyone, but on this eve of All Saint's Day, I will be in extended prayer for all who have passed over the last year.

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My heart and soul reaches out to you Stormy old friend.......I was so happy to see you were back and then saddened by your grief.

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Thanks guys.. it means allot ya know?

Kingfisher, that was absolutely beautiful!

I really dont know what else to say. i am completely crushed and devastated by her loss.... But i will go on as I always have... I will survive... and honor her and pray for her soul, every day. I will miss her and wish that the world where a better place, with her still in it. I will question and receive no answer... I will kick and scream and have no answer there either. I will hurt and God Himself will be unable to sooth it... But I will go on.

And maybe... Just maybe... One fine spring day, I will see her smiling at me again...

:(

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Thanks guys.. it means allot ya know?

Kingfisher, that was absolutely beautiful!

I really dont know what else to say. i am completely crushed and devastated by her loss.... But i will go on as I always have... I will survive... and honor her and pray for her soul, every day. I will miss her and wish that the world where a better place, with her still in it. I will question and receive no answer... I will kick and scream and have no answer there either. I will hurt and God Himself will be unable to sooth it... But I will go on.

And maybe... Just maybe... One fine spring day, I will see her smiling at me again...

:(

I think she is smiling down upon you right this minute Stormson my friend, trying to let you know that she is fine and all is well

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I wonder if Tabby suffered from bi-polar depression? You mentioned her being like 2 different people at times.

Anyhow, her battle with life is over and hopefully she's in a peaceful place. Apple CEO Steve Jobs last words

were; "Oh Wow, Oh Wow, Oh Wow". Sometimes I suspect people get a glimpse into the afterlife at the very end.

My condolences and sympathy.

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"Light of the world, in grace and beauty, mirror of God's eternal face, Transparent flame of love's free duty, you bring salvation to our race. Now as the light of the evening approaches, we raise our voices in songs of praise; Worthy are you of endless blessing, Sun of our nights and Lamp of our days." - The Phos Hlaron

May you find peace in all things joyful and tragic and may remorse not touch your heart....God's Peace....To`na Wanagi

Edited by To`na Wanagi

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Fawzo- I have been told that she is... "Fine' i mean. I hope thats the case.. Thank you old friend :)

Dan.. She may have been... She was on a plethora of medication as well though, and I think that had allot to do with the mood swings as well... God how i loathe big pharma...

To 'na-... Wonderful prayer! Fitting for all times, both good and bad... Thank you!

I'm offline the next couple days, but I truly thank all of those praying for her... She honestly does deserve it...

I'll be back as soon as i can be...

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I join all your many friends in expressing my sincere condolences on your sad loss - my prayers I also wish to add.

Be strong, for God is with you- and your dear friend is now with God - and healed. J.

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Thanks guys... Im still having a pretty hard time of course... But I'm making it.

At this point im going through the whole "try not to think about it.. dont face it" thing... Which of course JUST doesnt work. Keeps popping up.. just out of no where ya know? Almost no rhyme nor reason to it... Watching TV and blam.. washing dishes and blam... walking across the floor and blam...Thinking about her. Its like being crushed by a ton of brinks.. Over and over and over again... Shakes head.

I have been through this before and know the stages and what I'm facing and why... But this time just seems so much DIFFERENT somehow. Maybe because I was so directly responsible for her and I feel like I let her down... Maybe because of the intense emotional connections we had with one another, both good and bad... Maybe cos the end is so very, very near now and I wont be able to see it through with my beloved partner... I really dont know... But I know that my life is very much less then it was, and I know that the effect of her loss is very much a part of my every waking moment.. And probably will be for whatever time God forces me to stay here on our little blue rock in space.

I cant understand why, since shes so very much a part of my waking life, I dont seem to dream of her? Seems I should be able to...

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grief manifests itself in different ways stormy.what your feeling is normal for you.

i know this sounds cliche,but remember,it isn't how long we are here,it's what we do that is importent.you have touched more than one life and for that ,you'll be rembered.think of tabby in the same way,and if it's meant to be,you'll see each other again.

somehow i hope this makes sense to you.

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It does Mark, and thank you...

Tabby was one of the rare few. Some hated her... Most adored her... Some did both. But no matter what side of the fence you where on, no one EVER came away without being touched by her in some way... You simply could not meet the woman and NOT have some opinion,or be effected by her in some way...

She will be missed greatly, and she will certainly be remembered by all who knew her...And that thought does indeed make me smile.

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Remembering in such a way that brings a smile proves that you are starting the process of healing. My heart goes out to you, child of the storm. Such tragedies in our lives are the times when we especially need the comfort of others. No one really knows what to say. All I can say is that I can relate to your sorrow and the reckoning and soul searching that such difficult events engender. You are loved, brother.

Ever one of us here knows very well that we too could be confronted with such a gut wrenching tragedy and so we reach out just to... hold you...and appreciate your profound tears. Any and all differences between us are totally suspended and we mourn along with you and ask ourselves the same important questions that arise in you. In other words, as painful as this is to you---we all want to share in your burden and take just a small piece of it, just to show you that we care and to confirm to you that you are not alone.

So----after the flood of tears, may peace and joy and humor become your healing!

namaste

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sorry i havent been bacj for awhile,,, alott going on and im offline again... Got caught tethering my phone to my lappy and using too much unlimited bandwidth...

Thank you all though from the bottem of my heart.. And ill be back on soon i hope...

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