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Hi! Normally I wouldn't say anything, but since you asked for criticism . . . here it sits. As a youth, I enjoyed Anne McCaffrey's (is that spelled right?) novels, and your title prompted me to read your story. Over all, I'd say, "Nice job!" but there were several misspellings and punctuation errors that distracted from the reading. The plot reminded me of a "fairy tale" I once read (but can't recall the author or title) retold in a modern setting. There's nothing "wrong" with that, as several successful writers have done much the same, I may just have been too aware of the similarities. One last thing, dialogue is one of the hardest things a writer has to master, my suggestion would be to try to interject more of the character's thoughts (or emotions) between the placement of spoken sentences. This not only adds depth to your character development, but breaks up the "he said-she said" monotony that may trap and kill the readers interest. Keep writing, you definitely show promise! Good Luck!

Edited by Songster

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Hi! Normally I wouldn't say anything, but since you asked for criticism . . . here it sits. As a youth, I enjoyed Anne McCaffrey's (is that spelled right?) novels, and your title prompted me to read your story. Over all, I'd say, "Nice job!" but there were several misspellings and punctuation errors that distracted from the reading. The plot reminded me of a "fairy tale" I once read (but can't recall the author or title) retold in a modern setting. There's nothing "wrong" with that, as several successful writers have done much the same, I may just have been too aware of the similarities. One last thing, dialogue is one of the hardest things a writer has to master, my suggestion would be to try to interject more of the character's thoughts (or emotions) between the placement of spoken sentences. This not only adds depth to your character development, but breaks up the "he said-she said" monotony that may trap and kill the readers interest. Keep writing, you definitely show promise! Good Luck!

This is just something I threw together in a few weeks. Its not really a representation of what I can really do. Just to let you know, in case you got that impression. I knew it wouldn't be perfect, and perfection wasn't my goal.

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Reminds me of Nora Roberts, or Diana Gabaldon. You've got great style! More suited to longer works, I think, though the rushed pace works well for this story. Enjoyable, and I set the bar pretty high for romantic sci-fi/fantasy. :)

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Please don't misunderstand me, I did not wish to discourage you, nor put you on the defensive... My critique was offered strictly to make you aware of what a highly critical person (like me, for instance) might opine. I applaud the courage it took for you to place your piece before the public. It was not my intention to offend you, but since that was the result, I offer my apology. Again, keep writing, and I wish you success.

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Reminds me of Nora Roberts, or Diana Gabaldon. You've got great style! More suited to longer works, I think, though the rushed pace works well for this story. Enjoyable, and I set the bar pretty high for romantic sci-fi/fantasy. :)

They are two of my favorite authors so I thank you!

Please don't misunderstand me, I did not wish to discourage you, nor put you on the defensive... My critique was offered strictly to make you aware of what a highly critical person (like me, for instance) might opine. I applaud the courage it took for you to place your piece before the public. It was not my intention to offend you, but since that was the result, I offer my apology. Again, keep writing, and I wish you success.

I didn't really ask for a critique. Comments yes, but not critiques. But since you gave it, they are duly noted. I know anytime I put works out there another writer/author may stumble upon it and its almost automatic to critique. Since this story is just for a blog party and I am very busy anyway I wasn't going to spend all of my time getting it ready for the deadline (Which was today). I only had a month to complete it. But if I should ever choose to expand upon it, I'll keep your critique in mind. I really don't see me writing more about it though. I already have two novels in the works. Plus I write on my blog daily.

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I would have to say the style is Grand I quite enjoyed it, and I like the unfolding of the imagery, that s happening it takes e far away in my mind Love It!!! Mostly I write poetry that has imagery, and lots of imagination so I can really hardly wai to read more.....

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