Recommended Posts

Please pray for Sam this week and after.

He has been drunk most days, and stoned most weeks, since he was 15.

He's now 27, and has come to the end of it (we hope), having lost 2 jobs - one he hated, one he really liked and was good at - in succession, and his very lovely girlfriend over the last few months.

This coming week he is undergoing a supervised detox which will (we are assured) end his physical symptoms of dependancy.

He will still have to deal with the psychological side of things after that. He's struggling with the idea that he can be himself without booze.

From Monday to Saturday this week while he goes through the detox, he cannot be alone. So his Dad and I will do 5 days and Sam's Mum, who's working away, will do 1.

So we need your prayers too, that we can work with each other and with Sam to help him and each other through it.

Link to post
Share on other sites

Please pray for Sam this week and after.

He has been drunk most days, and stoned most weeks, since he was 15.

He's now 27, and has come to the end of it (we hope), having lost 2 jobs - one he hated, one he really liked and was good at - in succession, and his very lovely girlfriend over the last few months.

This coming week he is undergoing a supervised detox which will (we are assured) end his physical symptoms of dependancy.

He will still have to deal with the psychological side of things after that. He's struggling with the idea that he can be himself without booze.

Bluecat, did Sam begin drinking to ignore issues in his early life? or did indulging just become too frequent? As a recovering alcoholic I wonder - The original issues will have to be dealt with now.... Is anyone looking to see them surface? And help him recognize things long hidden from the self...

sorry, just my over sized sense of compassion getting in the way...

Link to post
Share on other sites
Bluecat, did Sam begin drinking to ignore issues in his early life? or did indulging just become too frequent? As a recovering alcoholic I wonder - The original issues will have to be dealt with now.... Is anyone looking to see them surface? And help him recognize things long hidden from the self...

sorry, just my over sized sense of compassion getting in the way...

Hi Brother - thank you for your interest and the pointers. Good questions indeed.

...to ignore issues in his early life?

In the 8 years I've known him, I've seen that he uses alcohol to "self medicate".

He is an anxious, hyperactive type - according to his parents he has been ever since birth: "born with his fists clenched" - and is shy in social situations until the first pint or two is swallowed, where his face clears and he becomes relaxed and self-confident.

This fits all too well with teen and youth culture round our way, too: all his friends are drinking and getting-stoned friends, most of his relationships would not have started without booze. (We're in England, where if alcohol vanished tomorrow, most single people would never get laid again).

Unfortunately the "dosage" is kept up all evening (and into the next day, and increasingly has been starting at lunchtime or before), and he does not always become pleasanter to be around in proportion as he feels more sociable.

The original issues will have to be dealt with now.... Is anyone looking to see them surface?

Yes indeed. We are - although we being his mother, father and (me) his step-mum, we know that we may not be the best people for it.

The lady who is conducting the detox (thanks to the great British National Health Service, long may it last) is medically trained and a counsellor, and has done a lot of these. He has the option of counselling in the follow-up.

He was going to an AA-type group nightly, but has been horrified by the stories he heard. And, it must be said, he tends to look down on the "other alcoholics" he has met. He hasn't accepted that, in one important respect at least, he is like them.

One of the things he will have to deal with is learning how to make friendships without depending on the booze and the blow to help him. He could also do with building bridges with his 2 younger siblings, who have become a bit alienated, because they don't want to be around him when he's drunk. He is not violent, but he can be a relentlessly nagging bully. His attitude at the moment is that they have let him down.

Partly (I think) that's because his sibs have left home and had some of the kinds of success in the world that his parents know how to value, while he, the oldest, never has.

The things Sam is good at (software developing and football (soccer to you) ) are things neither of his parents know much about or have much interest in, whereas the other two kids are good at art, music, academic study, which his parents understand and value.

It is tough, but that's the way things go in families. I know he feels it.

Then Sam broke his toe when drunk, didn't get it seen to for 6 weeks. He was embarrassed because he couldn't remember, or wouldn't admit, how he'd done it. It got infected and he's still limping, so he can't play football or go running. Then his girlfriend broke up with him because of his drinking, so he went out at lunchtime, drank a litre of vodka, went back to work legless and got sacked from his software developing job.

So those two things that he has been good at, sport and computing, are currently not available for him.

This is one reason why he's come to see he has a problem.

Anyway, today was Day One. So far so good.

He's been feeling sick and shaky and very tired, and rather sorry for himself. He has eaten OK, and we took him out for a walk on the beach (one of the most beautiful places we know, anywhere in the world, though it was a bit chilly), with the dog. He's watching TV with his Dad right now and they are having a chat.

Thank you all for your prayers and good wishes. I appreciate it very much.

Link to post
Share on other sites

I recognize it is a very difficult situation - I won't minimize it with shallow cures...

He is ahead of the game with the Love and Attention he is receiving from his family. I sincerely hope that he is able to come to terms with the effects of too much drink. It is hard for the young to see them. I hope as well that the tender heart which needs the protection of alcohol learns how to give and receive Love openly, with no fear. I will pray as well that the physical attraction to the alcohol be lessened to give him a better chance at living without it...

Thank you for the details - My prayers are not for a generic man somewhere out there - they are for Sam, that he may receive what he needs to be happier and healthier, and lead a more fruitful and satisfying life... :)

Link to post
Share on other sites

Day Two

Sam got a reasonable night's sleep. The medical lady came in the morning, took blood pressure, breathalysed Sam (the medication he's taking this week reacts badly with booze so if he's drinking we have to stop the meds at once) and brought the next day's dosage. His blood pressure is up a bit, but that's expected.

He was shaking quite a bit at first, and seemed pretty bedraggled, but seemed better after sitting in the sun with his dad for a couple of hours this morning: they've both enjoyed that.

I took the dog out. It's been a fantastically lovely day here: the blossom out in the hedgerows thick enough that I could smell it from across the road. It makes such a difference when there's lots of sunlight (even though it's chilly). I got some writing done, B practised the flute, Sam did some weights in the garden.

They took the dog out again at about 5 - Sam jogged and Bendigo pottered along the lanes - while I cooked supper. He was able to jog a couple of miles without his foot hurting, which is very good indeed. He's really quite fit, which is a blessing. (Frankly, it seems unfair: ah, youth!)

He seems more upbeat, and is discussing plans for what he's going to do next.

So... a good day for all of us.

From tomorrow the medication diminishes until Saturday, by which time he should have lost the physical symptoms of addiction.

They're watching TV together by a log fire. I'm going to stroll down the lane and look at the millions of stars which I don't normally get to see in the city.

Link to post
Share on other sites

Day Two

Sam got a reasonable night's sleep. The medical lady came in the morning, took blood pressure, breathalysed Sam (the medication he's taking this week reacts badly with booze so if he's drinking we have to stop the meds at once) and brought the next day's dosage. His blood pressure is up a bit, but that's expected.

He was shaking quite a bit at first, and seemed pretty bedraggled, but seemed better after sitting in the sun with his dad for a couple of hours this morning: they've both enjoyed that.

I took the dog out. It's been a fantastically lovely day here: the blossom out in the hedgerows thick enough that I could smell it from across the road. It makes such a difference when there's lots of sunlight (even though it's chilly). I got some writing done, B practised the flute, Sam did some weights in the garden.

They took the dog out again at about 5 - Sam jogged and Bendigo pottered along the lanes - while I cooked supper. He was able to jog a couple of miles without his foot hurting, which is very good indeed. He's really quite fit, which is a blessing. (Frankly, it seems unfair: ah, youth!)

He seems more upbeat, and is discussing plans for what he's going to do next.

So... a good day for all of us.

From tomorrow the medication diminishes until Saturday, by which time he should have lost the physical symptoms of addiction.

They're watching TV together by a log fire. I'm going to stroll down the lane and look at the millions of stars which I don't normally get to see in the city.

If this was a blog I would subscribe... :) ... Sam is a lucky guy...

Link to post
Share on other sites

Well, the week is now over and Sam has come through it, physically, extremely well: running 6 miles a day, and a couple of days when we took him to the swimming pool, he swam fifty lengths. He's very lucky: his liver is somewhat damaged, but if he stays off the booze, should correct itself. The main thing is that he's doing this at 28, rather than later and with more damage done.

Psychologically he's been fairly down, feeling he's screwed up his life badly. But he's making plans for the future which don't involve drinking or getting high - to run in a marathon, to do an initial course as an EFl teacher, and (perhaps most important) to get out of Norfolk, where all his old friends are drinking and drugging friends.

For Bendigo, it's been good to spend a lot of time just hanging out with his son day after day. Especially in the last few months, when the drinking has been really self-destructive - and B has had many unhappy memories of putting his own father to bed completely legless - B and I have kind of dreaded having Sam with us, but when he hasn't been with us we have also dreaded the phone ringing.

Both B and Sam's mother have commented on how they are seeing glimpses of "the old Sam" - their pre-boozing son - back again. For me, I've never known Sam entirely sober before. I like him a lot.

We're back home now, but we'll continue to see Sam every day this week - his sister is there too, and we don't want him to feel that now his chemical detox is over we're no longer interested.

Thank you all for your prayers, support and good wishes. It has really helped us.

Link to post
Share on other sites

My best wishes for Sam.

all his friends are drinking and getting-stoned friends,

he tends to look down on the "other alcoholics" he has met. He hasn't accepted that, in one important respect at least, he is like them.

These will be perhaps the two largest stumbling blocks for him to stay away from alcohol (and drugs). He needs to find new friends as his old friends simply cannot help him.

Link to post
Share on other sites

These will be perhaps the two largest stumbling blocks for him to stay away from alcohol (and drugs). He needs to find new friends as his old friends simply cannot help him.

Yes indeed! However, he does seem to know it now.

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Amulet locked this topic
Guest
This topic is now closed to further replies.