Necromancer


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WARNING:

For those with a squeamish constitution, you might want to skip this song parody as it makes reference to deceased people and unholy actions.

It is meant only as entertainment during my favorite holiday of the year.

For the rest of you, enjoy!

"Necromancer"

(sung to the tune of "Private Dancer" - apologies to the great Tina Turner)

Well there's dead men in these places

And the women are the same

They don't have any faces

And most of them, half a brain

You can see they aren't human

You can't stand their awful smell

You keep your mind on the ritual

So you don't end up in Hell

[CHORUS]

I'm a necromancer

I raise dead for money

They'll do what I tell them to do

I'm a necromancer

I raise dead for money

And sometimes a demon or two

I want to make a couple dollars

I want to live near a cemetery

Have a couple dozen demons

In my unholy family

All the dead men in these places

And the women – "Ugh!" you say

You can't look at their faces

Decomposed and turning gray

[CHORUS TWICE]

Coffins of squalor

A white burial dress will do nicely, thank you

Let me loosen your shroud collar

Tell me – do you want to see your Uncle Jimmy again?

[CHORUS]

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Damn you're good!

That's what all the girls say...

This is my favorite holiday too. It's the only time of the year I can just be me and nobody looks at me funny.

Awww... :wub:

You know, I always wanted to name a horse Necromancer.

But if he entered a race, he'd be dead last.

Oh stop. You're good and you know it....don't be so coy

*puts finger in mouth, looks up under eyelashes, digs toe into dirt*

:blush:

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My Beloved King,

You didn't alienate me with this one.

Good.

And if you ever did decide to publish, I'd buy a copy or two. I have friends who love this kind of stuff!

Well, hey, invite them to join ULC and come onto this forum - that way, they can get the milk without buying the zebra.

...

:unsure:

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My Beloved Kink, oh sorry typo King,

Getting Freudian on me, eh? :rolleyes:

Thank you for wanting to invite my lot into the ULC fold. But that would be like inviting a herd or flock of Vampires into a sheep pen. Not pretty.

But think of the fun - the knock-down, drag-out discussions of Renaissance methods of corporal punishment...the wonders of the automatic flush privy...

The WENCHES, woman...the WENCHES!!! :lol:

Besides we love buying the zebra. We love the olde ways, paper or parchment in our "Hot" little hands.

I guess that's a matter of another stripe altogether...

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Getting Freudian on me, eh? :rolleyes:

No not really just typed the "K" instead of the "G" and made myself laugh so hard, I had to leave it for your amusment too.

But think of the fun - the knock-down, drag-out discussions of Renaissance methods of corporal punishment...the wonders of the automatic flush privy...

You have to understand, they sent me to be the spy, um I mean the Emmesarry to the ULC. Most of them are afraid of the light. And not all of them are Rennies, some are Star Pirates, Haunters and such. Do you really want a discussion on the merrits of The light of God versus a Light Saber? OH and by the way. some of them really do know how to make a real Light saber!

The WENCHES, woman...the WENCHES!!! :lol:

And your point is? I'm a woman! What good are WENCHES to me? How about something more along the lines of the male persausion? Oh wait, these are my friends I'm talking about. Hows about maybe a trade. I bring some of my friends in, and you bring in some of yours. Then it could get really exciting. :wacko:

I guess that's a matter of another stripe altogether...

Are we talking floggers or what?

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No not really just typed the "K" instead of the "G" and made myself laugh so hard, I had to leave it for your amusment too.

I loved it. And, I love how things work out like that so often - a typo here, a word there, and it seems to hit at the heart of what is being discussed without even trying.

You have to understand, they sent me to be the spy, um I mean the Emmesarry to the ULC. Most of them are afraid of the light. And not all of them are Rennies, some are Star Pirates, Haunters and such. Do you really want a discussion on the merrits of The light of God versus a Light Saber? OH and by the way. some of them really do know how to make a real Light saber!

Oh, luv - they sound like ULC material to me. Of course, the Admins might not see it that way...

And your point is? I'm a woman! What good are WENCHES to me?

AHEM *cough, cough, cough*

*in small voice* None at all, I suppose *sigh*

How about something more along the lines of the male persausion? Oh wait, these are my friends I'm talking about. Hows about maybe a trade. I bring some of my friends in, and you bring in some of yours. Then it could get really exciting. wacko.gif

:D Sounds wonderful, dear. Just one fly in the ointment, though - I have no friends.

I could bring sheep...

Are we talking floggers or what?

Oh, but you're wicked!

Could be, could be, leather floggers, aye, know what I mean, know what I mean, nudge, nudge, wink, wink?

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I loved it. And, I love how things work out like that so often - a typo here, a word there, and it seems to hit at the heart of what is being discussed without even trying.

Sometimes I just get lucky that way

Oh, luv - they sound like ULC material to me. Of course, the Admins might not see it that way...

AHEM *cough, cough, cough*

Well my Beloved King if you ever find yourself in my neck of the woods, I'll be very happy to introduce them to you.

*in small voice* None at all, I suppose *sigh* :D Sounds wonderful, dear. Just one fly in the ointment, though - I have no friends. I could bring sheep...

I'd be honored if you consided me your friend my King. I would leave the sheep at home. My friends would eat them rosted with mint jelly and garlic. The myths about my kind not liking garlic are shall we say wrong. We love it, specially on lamb :vamp:

Oh, but you're wicked!

You just now noticed?

Could be, could be, leather floggers, aye, know what I mean, know what I mean, nudge, nudge, wink, wink?

Do you want cow or sheep skin? I have a very nice one that's purple.

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I have a friend who makes the most beautiful leather (of all types) floggers and such. I'm not sure if he travels out your way to conventions or not. I know he goes all over the country. The name of his company is Dark Gift. I have to contact him anyway for some things. I can't seem to find his website, but I do have contact info if you want. PM me and I will pass it on to you. I accually get all my stuff from him now, because it's the best I have found. All hand crafted, and well made. Oh yeah, he can slso do some custom work as well.

Edited by Call me Flower
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