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Posts posted by Crzyme

  1. questions:

    How comfortable are you with doubt?

    Like others who have answered it is according to were the doubt is felt, if I am in doubt about the real motivations of a human I trusted I would be greatly disturbed until I found out if my doubt were founded or not in reality. for my spiritual beliefs I harbor no doubt, do not mind if others doubt my beliefs or also hold strong feeling of having no doubt about theirs even if it contrast mine.

    If I do find anything to be doubtful I will do research until I either understand or find the subject incomprehensible to the point it no longer holds my interest.

    Does your "belief system" involve "black and white truths", or "shades of gray"?

    Along the path of my personal enlightenment I have stumbled upon many shades of gray, however I do feel if examined to the finite point all things become clear enough to be clarified as black and white. Of course my belief system doesn't have things like sins or holy things so it might be simpler to work to that finite point.

    Whichever you choose, do you know "why" you are the way you are?

    Yes I do, I am at the current place in my journey to enlightenment, I learn new things all the time and know I have a vast amount of knowledge yet to seek

    Do you consider "certainty" a strength? a weakness? something else?

    ​Certainty is a huge strength when the knowledge was gathered personally, and the knowledge enlightens ones soul, yet I am some times frustrated when people use irrational things as their certainty when I have personal certainty that their claims are not factual, and can/have been proven false, (I am still working on me in this aspect).

    I also get frustrated and irritated with people who beat others over the head so to speak with their certainties, especially with things like religiousness or religious beliefs, to whit "there is only one way, my beliefs way and all others are false!" but also with things as simple as "this is the ONLY way to fold a towel" to me these are personal certainties not universal ones so one can never argue the correctness or tell others theirs are incorrect.

    My beliefs I hold with absolute certainty but I freely hear all people on theirs, first it might clarify something for me, and second because we all have the right to our own thoughts and feelings on all things which can not be proven. It could be that something happens which knocks my belief system for a loop and changes my entire view of life, death, history and the afterlife; I am always open to knowledge, I study everything with passion because I admire those who did the work to prove things. I also like to put forth my own certain views, but try and do so with an open mind and also do my level best to not dismiss the beliefs of others for I do not have access into their minds to know the base of their beliefs, and it could be just as valid as mine, for most are not provable.

  2. for a human to have never had love at all would leave them mentally scared and likely unable to be among other humans without causing harm, at best they would be rendered a sociopath and at worst a rage filled homicidal maniac unable to control the anger at other humans.

    we all loose someone we love because all humans die and as humans we love other humans, parents, siblings, grandparents, aunts, uncles, etc all must face lose it is unavoidable to those mentally capable of loving.

    We also loose people who move away, become tired of us or fall out of love with us, who change their ways and lives and no longer include us. The world and those in it do not truly revolve around what we want and life is far from fair, life just is and things happen, it is how we face, act and react to those type things which mold us.

    Would I personally change anything about my past (if that were a possibility) I would have said (and have done so many times) no I would not change a thing, because my life today is just what I want it to be, I have joy and peace I once believed to be only in fiction, but then I lost my younger sister to brain cancer, and her death is something I would change if that possibility was available to me, it would take nothing from my life to have her live, I would still have the life a currently enjoy, but this is not a possible thing in real life,

    Life is what it is, not one of us can go backward, we love who we love, they love us back or not, we loose love, loose lovers, find new ones or not, and it just keeps going, changing us along the way

    so don't bother with the what if's just deal with the what is as in Anna Nalick's lyrics to Breathe (2am) "Cause you can't jump the track,we're like cars on a cable And life's like an hourglass, glued to the table No one can find the rewind button girl,"

  3. The assumption here is SELF control, of course. We certainly do not want government to control any aspect of our lives beyond the bare minimum to have cognizance over our social contract.

    yes self control is a good control to have, and yes to government having a VERY limited control over individual lives including No control at all over personal vices (making marijuana legal would be a great step in the right direction) so that individuals are in charge of their own self control (and we stop wasting everyone's money fighting drug wars and making drug growers/makers rich and locking up so many people for nonviolent crimes).

    but then their are those we often label (positively or negatively) Control Freaks these individuals loose it when they feel (rightly or wrongly) that they have lost some aspect of controlling their lives own life and often even the lives of those around them. Self control is often all the control one truly can have in life as other things are effected by outside forces.

    I know some Control freaks who will have so much control that they can not change plans or schedules and end up missing out on the wonderment of spontaneous events. One can control themselves with a loose rein so that life can still happen and change with the world.

    a new parent can allow their infant to self soothe in order to teach the baby self control, but they can leave the child in distress too long, too often or for the wrong reasons (say the child is in pain not just wanting to be held) and cause not self control lesson learned but start emotional issues such as: terrors, mental anguish and feelings of abandonment, learning self control and self soothing are very hard lessons for children, and parents alike. Not allowing children to have any control in their lives is also detrimental mentally and emotionally; parents who rule with iron rules fail to teach their children the ability to make their own choices, to reason our rights and wrongs on their own, and often they will have issues later in life with making decisions or standing up for themselves.

    yes control is a very interesting subject.

  4. first time growing them I was not very good, but have gotten better with a little reading, now I have many herbs, tomatoes, peppers and potatoes growing in pots around here, key is good draining but lots of water when it is hot and a mixture of shade for indirect sunlight and a small amount of direct sunlight, these 100+ degree times i mist them a few times a day to keep them from frying. but most days I just water them in the early evening when shade hits them, cools them down and they get to soak in water all night. Love having fresh stuff need to plant a garden proper

  5. To be grateful is to be thankful, appreciative and beholden

    to be beholden one must have something or someone to owe

    so I had to think on who/what do I owe for my happiness

    so I came up with these things ...

    I am grateful to my ancestors because they gave their DNA so that I might be here

    I am happy in my marriage and for this I am grateful to my husband who understands me as I do him

    I am grateful for my grandchildren and for them I thank my children who are doing great jobs being parents, and did not listen to me when I told them to wait until they were out of college to have kids.

    I am grateful to my benefactors who love my art enough to purchase it because this allows me to work at what I so enjoy

    I am grateful my friends are crazy enough to stay friends with me and allow me to be theirs

    There are a innumerable things I am pleased with in life which have no being to feel beholden to yet I enjoy them freely like: a night dark enough to see the milky way and the stars, a day with rain and sun so I see rainbows and smell the freshness that comes right after a rain, the feel of sand and water mixing at the edge of the ocean as waves roll in and out with the tides, the shade of big old trees on a hot summer day, just to name a very few in the long list of enjoyable events, things and feelings.

    Life is good :giggle:

  6. I love this video, and even in the video they show you do not always have to agree, you can fuss and argue, but you also need to laugh and they do this very well. No union is perfect to even expect it is to me silly, but when you like as well as love the other person, respect them and want to be with them then laughter can get you through some of the little frustrations. Over the years each individual finds all the quirks that endear and frustrate them about their partner as well as how to push the others buttons, key is to hang onto the endearments, laugh at the frustrations and keep your fingers off the buttons as often as possible :o)

  7. Life is fantastic! Fear keeps so many people locked where they are even as they long to leave and do something different

    If everyone who was living a miserable life would just up and leave it and go instead toward even a seemingly impossible dream the population as a whole would be more joyful.

    I didn't have to flee so far from my original home but I did have to leave in order to find my dreams coming true.

    I am happy for you and your family

    so wonderful that your child lead the way, again often children stay where they were born or not far away and if that brings peace and joy and dreams which come true it is not a bad thing but for those who stay doing the same things over and over while living in anger, rage, sorrow, loneliness, etc.. life is just long, and they have no idea that the key is change, getting away from their normal and find a new place, way, path.

    Congratulations on your new life, your new home, your renewed relationship and your new job.

  8. to make a weapon, virus, pandemic, germ, etc... with the potential to wipe out much of the human race has always been the fodder of those who wish to rule, control, punish, change, convert, kill, take over etc... it is the story line in books, movies, tv shows and the main though of humans who feel they are powerless, those who feel they have been harmed and gained rage and all those angry humans who want revenge, power, control. All the "bad guys" want to wipe out the "good guys" and the good guys want to wipe out the bad guys, thus the lines blur and it is impossible to tell one from the other (unless they have on their white or black hats).

    As to the correlation between lots of humans dying resulting in prosperity, I do believe that would prove to be apt as it has done so after things like plagues and wars, not at once but after the devastation is brought under control the population left would indeed prosper with less competition for resources (food, water, fuel, space etc..) but in the case of a current world wide termination of half the humans the species would likely benefit for only a very short term because as a group we would bounce back to full speed in short time as breeding would commence at once to replace the fallen (it is what we do) to have a chance at real devastation I would think a minimum of 80% would have to perish not 50% but that is my own view point likely yours will differ.


  9. personally I do not get here as often as I would like but i use this as a place of education, edification, enlightenment as well as a place to vent, rant, explain and question.

    I "real" life, or rather life here in rural Alabama often I am surrounded by those who's views differ greatly from my own and way too often they have no desire to hear any other view, it is refreshing to come here and not just read the voices that are like minded but also be able to talk to those whose views are in opposition in a safe and respectful way.

    The emotional feeling I get out of my interactions here are therapeutic in many ways and mostly very enjoyable.

  10. During my lifetime I believed I could have killed other humans in substitution, I was a very angry and often violent young woman full of rage without an outlet for my emotions as the main perpetrator and target of my hate was dead and beyond my reach; however I did not do so. Even as I wrote I "could have" I knew that to be a youthful fantasy and really should have wrote "I often desired to act upon my emotions and take someones life out of my own misery" because that is the bottom line truth.

    Until I was 40 I had never raised a hand to harm anyone then I took a karate class and even then it was incredibly hard for me to be the aggressor and tended to simply defend myself/my position and found the aggressive role too challenging to continue the classes past the purple belt stage.

    Outside of the martial arts class I have still never raised a hand to harm anyone, never spanked a child, never slapped a face, but I have placed myself physically between someone who was being aggressive and their victim on more than one occasion, (a couple of time with total strangers in public places) but the act of interference was enough in all the cases. I do not know what I would have done had the aggressors not stopped their aggressive actions.

    I have been harmed without fighting back with more than words on many occasions.

    So I do not believe I could kill a human, out of anger, out of protection of others or protection for myself, because I have faced those cases and not done so. Maybe because I was raised by a pedophile grandfather whose lessons were "Never fight, Never yell, Never scream, never tell" or maybe because I was so much smaller than my peers in school who regularly bullied and harmed me, maybe from choosing to marry an abusive man (thought little of myself back then), maybe because I am chicken or all of it in conjunction that I am just conditioned to pacifistic reactions.

    But I do think I could end a human life if the conditions were such that it was needed to end someones suffering, I have in fact passively assisted nature (or at least believed in my heart and soul I was actively participating in an action I believed at the time would hasten death) when my 40 year old younger sister was already in hospice care, dying from brain cancer and oh so close to death and making sounds of great pain I remembered that when my dad was dying the hospice worker told me "often turning the dying person would bring on death", I had the nurses turn my sister in hopes of ending her life and in fact she did pass from her ailing body less than five minutes later. I do not in fact know if this helped her escape from her body, but I do like to think it did because her pain ended at long last.

    I am a pacifist, by design or desire I can not really be sure but while I would stand between danger and others I have no reason to believe I would be capable of taking the life of the perpetrator only in offering my own. I no longer have the rage or anger to fuel a homicidal attack on anyone. So only in the case of helping would there be even the slightest possible chance of me taking a life.

  11. I went container garden this year as I am still working on the yard here at the new house, cutting it all back from the wild state we found it in when we got the place. But my herbs are growing happily in their containers as are the peppers, tomatoes and potatoes. Plus the containers add their own pretty colors to the area. Previous owners were bird rehab people so birds are in great abundance here and I have added many kinds of feeders so I can really enjoy them. When we moved in the field in front of the house (about 10 acres) was over head high in weeds, the owners just cut it and now we are over run with rabbits, which I love and the chihuahua loves to chase even as he never catches one and they easily loose him in shrubbery. Speaking of shrubs/bushes this place has many long rows outlining the driveway and I just love them, they are filled right now with nests some with baby birds some still full of eggs, but so alive that I am glad I got them all trimmed early.

    Just loving spring and after such a wonderful mild winter (so I could work in it much of the winter) my yard is getting back under control, just couldn't be happier to be outside.

  12. I believe that "evil" only exists in a religious context. Otherwise, it is just gross misbehavior or perhaps a mental illness or aberration. It takes us back to an old question of, "Are there different levels of sin?" Is a liar evil or just a sinner? Is a murdering butcher who eats his victims evil or just a sinner?

    I really like the way you put this, I have been struggling to find ways to talk to people who want to know my beliefs yet can not see past their own to truly hear what I have to say even when it is they who ask and this is a very defined way to explain how I feel about evil

    As for the sin question, not being a bible follower I do not personally believe in the concept of sin, however I am at a loss when I talk to people who do believe a sin is a sin is a sin and that no difference is found between a liar and a butchering cannibal.

  13. I am a pacifist and even I see that some kind of non-harmful deterrent for the dog would be in order, they sell sprays that make a dog or cat not want to "go" to the area sprayed, or buy a dog whistle and blow it when the dog starts toward your yard, the dog will be the only one to hear and will not want to keep her usual potty, soon will refuse to go there at all.

    a roll of brightly colored plastic "tape" like the police use for crime scenes but sold for marking off thing temporarily might help in just marking that area off limits

    and a sign stating the area now under video surveillance could be a deterrent as well.

  14. I do not personally believe in devil or demons and the like, but I sure do believe in evil humans. I believe most are out to cause harm to other living beings, because that is what makes them feel better about themselves. Some are the bully's and mean girls at school, and harm with words and intimidation more than any other weapons but they are still evil, hateful and mean to other humans. Some evil people are physically, mentally, sexually and/or spiritually abusers who feel better about themselves by causing harm to those weaker than themselves. some are evil humans who cause harm in the chase of money or power and do not regard the lives they lay waste to along their path. Some evil humans kill other human beings.

    So can good come from any of the acts committed by evil humans, sure it can but not from the evil humans rather from those harmed who then (lives changed) over come the harm caused and use that as a catalyst to make something good happen. Of course the opposite is also true, evil acts upon good people can indeed change them to the point that they also in turn harm other humans often in the same manner to which they were harmed.

    Anything is possible as long as one is still alive with brain and body capable.

  15. I think most people would spend their last 30 days attending to what they love the most in life. If they love the world, they would spend the time doing worldly things. If they love others, they would spend the time with those they love. If they love themselves, they would spend the time and their money on themselves. If they love God, they would probably spend most of the time on their knees. I personally would fall into the last category, I'd be more concerned about where I was going instead of what I was leaving.

    It would never enter my mind to worry or have any fear about where I am going, where ever that is will be forever, (or as long as the next part lasts) but what I am leaving will no longer be the same so saying goodbye would be key for me personally.

    even after 2 + years,this is hard for me to answer.

    my mom spent 2 weeks of her last 4 letting me know she hated me,and that she wasn't leaving me last words on that were that i did NOT care.

    2 weeks before she died,she asked me if it was ok if she died.i told her it was.after that,she pretty much quit talking to anyone.

    This is so sad my heart hurts for you both.

    What I would like to do is max out my credit cards and go Bigfoot Hunting in Oregon, but realizing how little time I have to spend with those I love and that love me I would defer and spend time with them. I would probably quit work.

    LMAO well this is one that uses the old adage "He who dies owing the most, wins!"
  16. I do not for sure know what I would/will do if or when I know my time is thusly limited, however I have had some great examples to choose from because of being with others in that situation.

    My grandmother wrote personal notes to all her loved ones (she had 10 children still living when she passed, as well as 44 grandchildren, 72 great grandchildren and 3 great great grandchildren all got hand written messages, and that is not counting her friends and other relatives) I love mine and this is an idea I would like to have the opportunity to emulate. She passed with all of her ten children (as well as many of the grandchildren, and great grandchildren) around her bed in her own home with hospice care, just after she asked them to sing to her, they were singing "Happy trails" when she stopped breathing.

    My younger sister died of brain cancer, she lost her ability to talk (walk and sit up on her own) about a month before she lost her life, so she grasp the hand of each visitor and looked them in the eye and smiled, this was all she was able to do, and yet all were touched and knew she loved them and thanked them for coming. She was gone two days before her body gave up, her breathing winding down slower and slower until it stopped.

    My father, always a peaceful man, gave away all his possessions in his last months of life when he was dying from esophageal cancer, and gave the story of how he came to possess each gift he was giving, all his children grand children and the one great grandchild were given things and stories from him. He planned and paid for his funeral, he choose to spend his final moments in hospice care in his own home where He told corny jokes and made people laugh and he did so until his last breath. His final words were "well looks like its time to boot scoot boogie away" then he just stopped breathing.

    I have a dear friend who has pancreatic cancer, she is stage four and the cancer has spread to her liver and lungs, she is working out her own way of leaving the living behind, she is giving away her garden, with transplants, cuttings and some seeds she is in the process of sending her garden all around the globe. A master gardener she has heirloom plants and such a lovely yard, and this is how she has chosen to use her final time, she says she will keep at it until physically unable to do the job.

    I have another friend who is stage four lung cancer, she angrily took to her bed, taking her cigarettes with her and is telling the world to go to hell, refuses to see anyone will only yell through the door for people to go away, stopped taking even her children's phone calls, her answering machine says "I am dying leave me the hell alone"

    her husband is the only one allowed in her room, he tends to her needs as well as he can, he is in misery as is she.

    I hope I will be of good spirits if given 30 days, I hope I can give something to those I love in which they will derive pleasure after I am gone from this life. I do not fear death, even as I do not wish to face it for a very long time to come. I hope I can go with peace, grace and dignity and will be remembered fondly by those I love.

    None of us truly know how we will react to the news of our expiration cause and approximate date but we can take note from others who go through the process. I use to want my death to come quickly without knowledge of its impeding arrival, however after witnessing others who had knowledge that they were going to die and what they did with that time, I do hope now that I have the opportunity to have knowledge.

  17. trust me murph,even after 3 years,there are times i ask myself why i quit(real reason,i got pissed off at obama).and there are days i want a ciggeratte so bad.but i know it would take just a puff,and i would be in a world of do-do.

    i'm told that it supposed to get easier with time,but not how much.all i can wish you is the best.

    wow so Obama did a great thing, helping you quit smoking :derisive:

    I quit nov 1997 it was hard, worse than when I quit cocaine, would even dream I smoked and get mad at myself, time did take care of the urge, now I can really say I never ever want one and can even be around others who smoke without wanting one.

  18. ~ I know what you mean Angie... It is sometimes sooo hard to find yourself amidst the demands & expectations & needs of others.

    "What do I need to be, to become, to change into, to satisfy _____"

    t's like breaking out of a chrysalis, changing from a caterpillar into a winged creature that can fly without fearful restraints :wub:

    I did & still find enjoyment in making other people happy. I really enjoy helping people at work with whatever. It's just the moth I am ;)

    ~ Deborahjean, Thrilled for you that you've found the path that gives you contentment :)

    Sincerly hope it also gives you the strength to know yourself well & the wisdom to use the greatness you have within! :friends:

    I still enjoy making others happy, I just do it as me and not who people wanted me to be, and it all works out well now, no more pounding my head in the wall to attempt to achieve it

  19. For me Happiness came when I allowed myself to be me and not to put forth someone elses idea of who I should be. When I was trying to live up to someone elses idea of the woman I should be I was never happy, content or a peace; as soon as I found I could shed all that baggage I found I could breathe easy, smile naturally and happiness was just here. I do think we allow ourselves to be happy (or any other emotion) or we disallow our emotions by trying to live lives others choose for us (usually parents, but friends and mates can have us change to fit more to what they wish us to be).

    Personally I was a "pleaser" and thought making others happy would make me happy, if I was what they wanted me to be then it would make them happy and thusly make me happy, didn't ever really work out that way but I was stuck for many years still trying the same crap, even as it failed. As doing the same thing over and over expecting different results is the very deffinition of stupidity, thankfully one day I jumped off that ride.

    So for me personally finding my own way, living life on my own pace allowed me to be free to be happy, and I choose to keep allowing myself to be so.

  20. Congratulations! I quit November 1997 and my husband quit one year later,

    when I quit I carried a pack with me because I wanted to feel I was stopping because I wanted to not because I could not ecause I didn't have any, it worked for me, I also used flavored toothpicks to occupy my mouth and hands. When my husband quit he just put them down and never picked them back up (even after I had a brain anurisum a week after he quit smoking, he could have so easily used this as an excuse to pick them back up but didn't do so)

    my dear friend Gina is in liver failure, in order to get on the transplant list she must stop smoking

    she went 51 days without a smoke, then she got mad at her doctors and her attitude was

    "They don't care, they are not going to help me anyway so I am goign to smoke" try as I might to get her to see she is not hurting (or getting back at, or even bothering) her doctors and if they are not going to help her she must help herself, she has to be the one to take care of herself, but she is mad, hurt and scared and sucking on those smokes like a baby with a pascifier

    it breaks my heart

    I would do anything to help her, I hate to see her not only getting sicker but tossing away any chance of getting better and heading into death as an angry sullen human so sad

  21. The fear that these things cause to me is a far greater life intrusion than the acts of theft, and that the resulting negative views towards fellow humans hurts our spirits even as they are normal reactions. I have had to start over from nothing twice in my 51 years, once a former mother in law had the trailer where I had lived with her son (my husband) and two our two kids, it was in her name, we were all at his funeral at the time, he had died in a single car wreck (totalling our only car) the other time was a house fire where nobody was hurt but all was lost. Both times I was so disheartened, yet both times all turned out not just well but far better than before the loss.

    I love things, photos, aniques, family herlooms, all those things that make me smile as I look around my home today, but I know with total faith that if something happened again and we lost it all, life would still just get better even if it didn't appear so right away.

    The home we live in now had a security system when we bought it, even though the house was in terrible shape after a forecloser and having been vandalised, it has taken a year to remodle the place but one of the first things we removed was that system, leaving only the fire alams. This is the first place we have lived in 20 years that even has keys (or has been under 110 years old) and when we are sleeping we do lock the doors, but that is the only time.

    Many factors have gone into helping me live without fear

    I lived as an agoraphobic for far too many years, fear took so much I just refuse to allow it to take one second more.

    Also my father died from cancer, after fighting it for 8 months

    then my younger sister (40 year old mother of two) died of brain cancer after a 5 year fight for her life

    Events in ones life should leave changes, and they all have for me

    I do my best to ignor all the bad things life has dealt as I can not change them, often can not even fix them and I cling to all the good memories and know that life is: short, valuable, unpredictable and for me should be lived as fearless as possible.

    Hope all turns out much better in the long run

    On a second note, could not live even in a gated community muchless a base,I know many who do and could not live otherwise without fear but I personally couldn't trade off the freedom of being less "looked after" or as you put it having people in my bussiness LOL.

  22. my rotten Chihuahua likes some things and really dislikes others, we are in jacksonville al where the college mascott is a gamecock, we have a chicken suit that he hates, but he has a pirate hat and a santa hat he LOVES, Bama hoody (now too small) he loved (it came off a teddy bear) but go near him with the superdog cape and he growls , Yes they know and they care, If they like it I say let them wear it but if they don't take it off, maybe after a photo LOL